Celebrate Your Love With No Expectations
You might need to grab a brew or two for this one because weddings are meant to celebrate not be used as a money-making venture to pay for the day. I read a recent article online about a bride who was upset because a guest and her date only left a $100 wedding gift.
It made me wonder how many newlyweds think that they should get more than they do as gifts from their guests? The article was originally featured on the Huffington Post and I hope that other brides and grooms who think that their guests need to give them a certain amount of money come back down to earth.
Wedding gift etiquette for most is given as a gesture of appreciation to the bride and groom for the invitation. Expectations should not exist because not everyone on your wedding list is made of money. I don’t know many people who are these days to be honest with you.
I fail to understand why people invite guests to weddings, parties, baby showers, birthdays etc, if they hardly know someone or have not talked in many years. I’d rather not go at all, buy a case of beer and make homemade pizza with my wife and friends. Best part, I don’t expect them to bring anything to be in our presence and I’d pay for the pizza and beer because I invited them to the party. If they do bring something that’s great, and if they don’t that’s still great.
Below is the Facebook message left by the bride to her guest Tanya who gifted her $100 as a wedding gift which clearly upset her. Best of it is the guest is fresh out of University and having to pay down $40,000 in school loans and only working part-time. You don’t even want to know what I’d say to the bride for sending me this message. Yes you do, I’d tell her to take a hike and let her talk behind your back all she wants because that’s where she belongs. I would just shut the door and move on if I were Tanya. Don’t waste your time, it’s worth money after all and you don’t want to waste another cent on her. Below is the exact quote.
Hi Tanya, how are you? I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike’s and I wedding that both you and Phil gave 50$ each? In terms of the amount we got from you both was very unexpected as a result we were very much short on paying off the reception because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about) and Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn’t expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well. As I know you both live together and work, so I did not see any reason for that amount, when it comes to your wedding hopefully you’ll know what I mean. I hope for the best as from what we receive is what we will give back. Anyways, good luck on everything.
Weddings happen all year-long and for some reason we hear of couples like the above who believe they are entitled to lavish affairs that they can’t even afford. Sure mom and dad might offer some cash to pay all or a portion of the bill but if you can’t afford it yourselves, don’t have it.
At our wedding all we worried about was having the people we love celebrate our wedding day with us. If you are counting the money in the envelopes in your head instead of enjoying your first moments as husband and wife you clearly have your priorities mixed up. When we got engaged we knew we weren’t going to have a big wedding so we created a wedding budget and spent the money accordingly. We still had a fairy tale wedding because the two most important people were there, us. If the plan was to have a lavish wedding there would have been no rush and we could have waited and saved more money. I wasn’t going to run away because we didn’t have a piece of paper saying we were married.
Too many people who don’t have the funds available put too big an emphasis on the wedding, honeymoon and rings including the engagement ring but it doesn’t have to be that way. Going into debt for love is not a good way to start a relationship, so take your time and do it right. That’s my opinion, maybe not yours and that’s fine because we are all entitled to our own financial dealings in life. Not everyone can have a royal wedding so stop pretending you are a Prince and Princess spending more than you can afford unless you have the funds to back up your role-playing dream all the way to the altar. (unless of course you actually are a Prince and Princess)
Life is precious
I don’t know how much more it will take to teach people you can’t spend more than you earn, although I don’t plan to stop now. If you still think that money grows on trees please tell me when you find that tree because my green thumb is itching to get planting.Then again, we are still struggling for those to grasp that speeding in your vehicle and/or talking on a cell phone while driving can cause an accident and can kill. That’s not all either. What about the people who think it’s fine leaving a child or any other person and/or pet in a hot car with the windows up. You shouldn’t have to question it, just don’t do it, ever. If we can’t even take a moment to protect our own lives how will we ever protect our finances?
What would you do if all your guests bought you a toaster and towels instead of an envelope stuffed with $100 bills? No one should judge you if you don’t have the best of the best at your wedding, heck I could care less if my mates didn’t have seat covers or fine china. All I care about is that they are happy.
This was a comment I read when Yahoo ran the post yesterday and the commenter does get to the point. With over 506 thumbs up at my time of reading I can only assume the masses agree. Below is the exact quote.
First of all Brides and Grooms out there. It is YOUR wedding, not your guests, and it is not your guests responsibility to cover the cost of it. Just because you decide to spend $40,000 on decor and food etc…to make YOUR day special, do not expect your guests to foot the bill for it. That is the first thing people need to know when having a wedding. Second of all, chances are I don’t even WANT to come to your wedding, but have been made to feel obligated in some way (friends, family etc…), I can get drunk for cheap at home, and my fridge has lots of food in it, so I don’t need your dried out chicken breast supreme and cheap champagne. If you want to party, you pay for it. I give what I can afford to help the couple get a good start in their marriage, but if I can only afford $50 bucks, well then, that’s it. If YOU can’t afford a $40,000 wedding, DON’T HAVE ONE. These people are so freakin selfish and it is disturbing to see this kind of reaction, YOU invited ME, I did not ask for a “ticket” to your “show”, my gift is a “gift” not a “fee for admission”. Get it right folks
Take time to investigate what is right for the both of you and what you know you can handle financially. I’d be happy with my wife, a bucket of popcorn, beer and a DJ spinning some tunes after the ceremony to celebrate our union as husband and wife with our guests. Clearly, I’m being sarcastic but my point is to keep it simple if simple is all you can afford. We’ve been to a few simple weddings and had a blast.
After a few years couples in major debt they can’t handle may start to blame each other, blame others, fight about money and then potentially get divorced. Not always the case but buckle up if you think money and life is easy because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. There are so many ways to cut costs for a wedding or better yet, just budget the money. Live the life you want by making smart financial decisions first.
How did you pay for your wedding? Did you have expectations of your guests for a wedding gift? Has anything like this happened to you before? Share your comments below.
If you haven’t had a chance to check out my new Facebook page The Free Recipe Depot please come around and Like my page. It’s a place where I share recipes and only recipes from blogs and websites from around the web.
Today the top recipe goes to A Cup of Mascarpone for sharing this gorgeous Lemon Poppy Seed Pound Cake with a Lemon Lavender Glaze. You have to go and check out the photos and recipe as there are no words to describe the beauty of this cake.
Don’t forget to pass by my Canadian Budget Binder Facebook Page every Sunday for Frugal Food Sunday to share a blog recipe so I can share it with my over 5900 fans. We get closer to the 6000 fan goal every day.
PF weekly reading line-Up
Here are a few blog posts that I thought were worth mentioning this week from around the web. I didn’t get a chance to read and comment much this past week as I took a couple of days off from the blog.
Top story: Why you should take care of your stuff- 2 Copper Coins
- Children- Mommy guilt, the most powerful emotion from Eyes on the Dollar
- Frugal- Our $5 Fun-filled Saturday from Student Debt Survivor
- Money- Is your personal info safe with your bank from DINKS finance
- Life- From garden to plate harvesting and cooking snow peas from Femme Frugality
- Income- How I live on less than $40,000 annually from Len Penzo
- Saving– Three saving rules I live by from My Own Advisor
- Blog- Get to know Tonya from Budget and the Beach from Frugal Portland
- Finances- Financial advice for newlyweds from Suburban Finance
- Travel- How to see the world and make money at the same time from Money Bulldog
- Book– Millionaire Teacher Book Review from IHeartBudgets
Have a great week everyone and I hope you enjoyed this edition of my Personal Finance Weekly Grab a Brew #27.
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- PF Weekly Reading Line-Up # 23 Grab A Brew: Listening, Learning, Building And Sharing Equals Growth (canadianbudgetbinder.com)
- PF Weekly Grab A Brew #26: School is out for summer (canadianbudgetbinder.com)
- PF Weekly Reading Line-Up #22~Grab A Brew-Making Someone’s Day (canadianbudgetbinder.com)
- PF Weekly Grab A Brew #25:The Box by No Frills a smaller discount-store experience (canadianbudgetbinder.com)
- PF Weekly Reading List #21-Pay me $100,000 And I’ll Flip You A Burger (canadianbudgetbinder.com)