There comes a time when our bank account balance becomes our own secret numbers and no one should know them but the owner of the bank account.
I received an email from a fan who shares her concerns with all of us and is hoping to get some feedback to help her move forward with her situation without breaking any bridges in her family.
A tough situation indeed but one that must be dealt with especially when you borrow money from your parents.
My parents taught me about money when I was young which means I use a budget (I use your CBB Budget Spreadsheet) but they also didn’t just give me money either. I had to pay back my parents as I got older if I borrowed money for things that I wanted rather than needed.
My parents always took half of my pay cheque when I worked and knew exactly what my bank account balance was. Moving forward I’m now 21 years old and my parents paid for part of my education and I have to pay them some of the money back.
That was the deal we agreed on so I wasn’t so worried about it. I work part-time during the week and on weekends to give them back the money they gave to me. The problem is they still want to check my bank account balance online and know how much money I earn.
I don’t always tell them exactly what is in my account I simply give them an average bank account balance of the past months as my income fluctuates. I’ve yet to get a credit card but the more I read about student debt I want to stay away although I do want to build credit in my name.
I wonder how long it will be before they realize I’m an adult and they are being nosey into my finances.
I don’t owe them anything but the agreed amount for my education. I didn’t have to get OSAP so I’m forever grateful but my student accounts were funded in part by my parents which means I am in debt to them. There has to be a point where they let me grow up and take care of my own finances and account balance rather than hold my hand.
Sometimes I feel like they don’t trust me with my money. How can I go about telling my parents that what I earn and what my bank account balance states is my own private business without hurting their feelings?
Thanks for any tips from you or the CBB fans.
Thank-you for contacting me first off. I don’t know that I’ve personally been in the same type of situation as you however I have borrowed money from my parents before. When I was younger I was taught about money because both my parents were not only frugal but they counted their pennies.
They wanted to make sure that when I went out into the world they wouldn’t have to worry about my finances or what my bank account balance was. I don’t think my parents have ever asked what my bank account balance was after the age of 18 but before that they did know exactly how much money I had in the bank.
I did have a credit card but like many people I thought I’d own one just in case of an emergency which in my opinion is not always the best route to go. Today, I’m all about having cash for emergencies and not using credit but that differs from person to person. It depends on how long you want to owe people money. I quickly learned that any debt owed is debt I have to pay back no matter what and if it wasn’t making me guaranteed money then it wasn’t debt that I wanted.
They are my parents after all and since I was living under their roof and they were responsible for me they often checked my bank account balance to make sure everything was accurate and to go over the figures with me. Needless to say by the time I moved out of the house I had a pretty good grip on understanding finances.
When I bought my first house at 21 I did talk to my parents about it and they did ask about how much down payment I was putting on the house. I told my parents what they wanted to know because I knew they wanted to make sure I was on the right track buying a house so young. I don’t look back and think what they did was wrong and never once have they asked me my bank account balance. The questions were simply to make sure I knew what I was doing financially or at least what I was getting myself into.
Some parents have a hard time letting go of their children or they tend to be overprotective with them which may hurt them in the long run. Shannon over at The Heavy Purse talks about snowplow parenting where parents aren’t allowing children to make their own decisions and learn from their experiences and mistakes.
I’m not a parent so I can’t say that for sure but if you are never able to make your own decisions and learn from your mistakes how will you ever become experienced in life lessons? Parents can’t shield us from the world, only guide us and love us unconditionally. Your parents certainly need to know that you are an adult now and that your finances and bank account balance is private to you.
What happens if you get married and they still try to innocently pry but this time into what you both have in your bank account? They may if you don’t put your foot down. Even worse they may question any of your boyfriends that you bring home about how much money they earn and how much debt they have. These are questions that you need to find answers to on your own.
Keeping your bank account balance private
If I was in your shoes I’d likely sit down with my parents and have a heart to heart talk about my relationship with them and my account balance or even specifically my overall financial picture. I would let them know how much I appreciate the guidance they gave to me financially over the years and how I have learned how to budget and make sure that my debts are paid in full.
I think by reassuring them that you do know what you are doing might help. I’d also let them know that it’s time that you ventured out on your own financially and although you appreciate their help you want to handle your finances on your own and keep what you have in your bank account private.
You know your parents better than anyone so handling the situation delicately is likely a smart situation since it sounds like they are struggling to let you go out on your own. I’m sure the fans will have more helpful hints for you especially those that might be in the same situation.
After I borrowed money from my parents I paid it back in full as soon as I sold my house and moved to Canada. I needed money to help me finish off some renovations. One thing I learned from that situation was that I needed an emergency savings account because I was sinking all of my money into the house to pay the mortgage off faster. Everything in life is about balance.
Since we just paid our mortgage off that was one thing we both made sure to have in our bank account, extra cash. My parents have never asked about how much money my wife had before we got married or how much income we earn.
They know we paid our house off so why would they need to ask questions? I guess I feel proud that my parents don’t have to worry about me financially. I really don’t think worrying about your child ever goes away.
Over the years they have seen how I have handled my finances and trust that I will make the best decisions that I can or that I will find a professional for advice.
I’m no professional by any means so take what I say as my opinion however like I said, you know your parents best.
What tips would you give to Crystal to help her with the situation she is in?
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