Believe it or not there are people who have money hoarding tendencies because a fear of living without cash can push people over the edge.
Just because someone is in debt doesn’t mean they are OK with it even though some people think that having consumer debt is normal.
Some people get very ill thinking about their debt and it can cause great stress in their life mostly affecting their health, job and relationships/family. What else could money possibly affect?
It’s hard to find a middle ground sometimes when money becomes the reason for living. I’m not saying money is NOT important because it is but for those who scare themselves off a cliff it’s serious business.
Having millions of dollars in the bank when retirement comes around would be great but you don’t have to live like a miser to get you there.
Even though compulsive hoarding is defined as hanging on to stuff that others may view as junk hoarding money is another way of stashing cash which someone is too afraid to spend unless they are forced to. ie: Paying the bills to live .
Maybe hoarding might not be the ideal word for what this reader is going through but it’s the word she chose to use so it must mean something to her.
Hoarding leads to money tension
Why does hoarding money exist?
It may exist for many reasons but I’m going to assume that something traumatic has happened to the individual at some point in their life that has worried, stressed or scared them into saving.
I have yet to meet anyone who hates money but there are people who do live off the land and want nothing to do with working and living in the rat race.
Then there are other people who can’t stop saving money and are workoholics.
Hoarding money may start with paying off any debts owed including the mortgage because the person doesn’t want to owe anyone anything. From there they start to save money but no amount of money will satisfy them unless there is a certain number in mind.
The extreme money conscious person may not relax financially until they have a million dollars stashed away in the bank or in a few suitcases hidden in the closet. Note: I do not suggest this by the way. If there is a fire or a theft the money is gone.
Sure some of you may want to stash a few hundred dollars around the house for emergencies but I’d recommend steering clear of hoarding money without balance in life in the first place but also keeping it at home or even worse in the trunk of your car.
Hoarding in any form can become a serious issue that may need to be discussed with your family doctor. The problem is most people who have compulsive tendencies don’t see this as a problem.
If you feel that hoarding is getting out of control in your life or someone you love maybe it’s time to bring it to your physicians attention before it’s too late.
There is treatment for hoarding and if the person is willing to accept help then making it available is a great starting point.
Today I have a reader question from a wife who wants to share with you a story about love, money and debt and how it is affecting her relationship.
When I was dating my husband he would spare nothing when it came to making me happy and taking me on romantic dates. I would always have roses every month and he’d take me on shopping excursions at least once a month.
Taking holidays was something we did at least 2 times every year and we would travel anywhere our heart desired with-in reason but cost was not a major issue as we didn’t have any kids.
We both had and still have fairly decent careers which earn us a comfortable living but it wasn’t always this way. I’m not talking about the earning part but the comfortable part.
Over the years all the “stuff” we bought or ended up putting on credit started to add up. Eventually our debt ratio got to the point where we had to sell our million dollar home in Toronto and move out of the city to something more affordable.
Now we both commute into Toronto to work at the hospital but it’s not that bad of a drive although at times it can be draining after working VERY long hours.
Our debt got so out of control in 2012 that my husband was unplugging the home phone so he didn’t have to deal with harassing creditors calling the house demanding their money.
I was against getting a home line of credit because it wasn’t solving the problem. I’m glad he was too. Selling was our only option at the time.
It was very embarrassing considering we make great money. How could this happen to us? It did and after selling our house we had enough equity in the home to pay back all the debt and avoid bankruptcy which we were on the brink of.
Maintaining our home was not the issue it was our spending because we felt we were entitled due to our career status and everyone else we knew was living the dream.
We thought we should follow suit.
It’s hard to say no when your friends are jetting away for a 3-day weekend that costs $3000. We always went and we made sure we shopped for the occasion so we fit in.
Since selling the house we have lost many friends because my husband went a bit nutty with our finances. The money stress really got to him to the point where he wasn’t sleeping or eating and he vowed to never, ever let that happen to us again.
Well, here’s the part that’s hard.
He no longer buys me flowers, he forgets to say “I love you” and he works as many hours as he possibly can to get overtime money. The holidays are gone and if we spend time together it’s just a walk around the neighbourhood or up to the local park.
His investment in our finances seems more important than our relationship.
My husband is hoarding money because he is so scared of bankruptcy and not having enough money to retire on. He values money like one would possessions.
He doesn’t see what he does as a problem rather a solution to living the dream retirement and he’s willing to sacrifice living now for later. The problem is he is putting a strain on our relationship because he’s forgotten us and he’s forgotten to live.
Money isn’t everything and although I understand the need to budget our finances now which I am on-board with, I’m not happy that I work and have limited money to spend on myself. We have zero debt and our mortgage is paid in full.
My love for him is dwindling and I’ve talked to him about it many times and we’ve been to marriage counseling. The counselor has addressed his money hoarding and asked him if he loved me and he said yes but right now we are young and need to save as much as we can.
I think he’s read WAY too many new articles about debt and it’s scared him to death. He says he won’t be happy until we have at least 2 million dollars in cash saved up. Then he will be able to relax and enjoy life.
I’m on the verge of leaving him because I deserve to be happy too and spending all my time at home and at work with quick visits to the grocery store isn’t cutting it.
In a last-ditch effort, what do you or your fans suggest?
Lost in Toronto
What happens if you aren’t around to enjoy life because one or both of you are gone? I think he’s certainly being unrealistic with his money goals but compulsive hoarding doesn’t need to be just about “stuff” it can be money I suppose.
You are not alone I’m sure as there likely are other people who are scared they won’t have enough money to retire on so they save every dollar they can. Some may think that extreme cheapskates are those people but not necessarily.
You don’t mention that your husband is a cheapskate just that he no longer spends money the way he used to and he obviously doesn’t allow you to spend money either.
You should be able to spend the money you earn and participate in how it will be used. What I read here is a one-sided financial plan for the both of you and this can easily cause friction in a relationship.
It’s great that you are accepting of the budget which is a simple money saving concept that I believe everyone should use but there has to be balance.
Anytime balance is off with finances there tends to be a problem. In your case you both have no debt so there is no need that you can’t go on a vacation or he can’t buy you flowers.
You said you’ve been to marriage counseling about his money hoarding and although I’m not a professional I can’t give you advice from the marriage perspective. What I can tell you is that if he isn’t willing to work with you then maybe what you need to take measures into your own hands.
Maybe once you are gone he will realize what he’s done to the relationship and try to make changes but hopefully it won’t be too late for the two of you. Sometimes it’s hard to bring back the romance once that tie is gone.
Hoarding is not something to take lightly and I’m guessing you’ve talked to your doctor about it and if not that is certainly somewhere I would start as well.
Budgeting with no debt and living a fulfilled life is a piece of cake especially if you both have decent earning careers which you do.
Mrs. CBB and I have no debt or mortgage either BUT we budget in vacation, entertainment and allowance categories. Maybe this is something you can talk to you husband about so you can both enjoy saving and splurging on yourselves.
I hope your husband decides to work with you and the family finances instead of in his own financial world because it sounds like a woman who truly loves him and has searched all areas to make change is about to give up on him.
I wish you all the luck and please keep me updated. Maybe some of the fans will have something to add.
Relationship Money Issues
What does money mean to you?
Everyone defines money differently and uses it how they feel will benefit their life but not everyone knows how to balance it.
In relationships until you can both agree about your finances and how money will be used than you are already starting down a rocky road. Money problems are a HUGE relationship killers.
Money changes people and it’s not just people who are in debt who may struggle it’s people who have money and feel they don’t have enough.
Money hoarding is not something we hear about often in the media but people may do it and not even know they are doing it.
It’s important to budget and I’m the first to admit that paying down debt, saving for retirement is critical along with savings. The part of the savings equation that is missing here is living.
If we don’t live we will die without experiencing life. You don’t always need money to enjoy life but hoarding money and not allowing any other expenses but bills takes the fun out life.
Don’t be fooled by money it doesn’t have a hold of you unless you let it.
Are You New To Canadian Budget Binder?
- Check out my new Free Recipe Index
- If you like FREE then click this link for my FREE Excel Budget Spreadsheet and all my Free Money Saving Lists!
- You can now have full access to my Ultimate Grocery Shopping Guide in Canada.
- Single millionaire paid the price to get where he is today
- Sneaky wife teaches husband a money lesson he won’t forget
- A woman’s financial success leads to jealous friends
- Parents tell son he will create credit card debt with rewards cards
- Couple’s happy retirement on hold until son moves out
- Mom has meltdown over teen and financial responsibility
Photo Credit: Freedigitalphotos.net/DavidCastillo