Do you live in a financial independence la la land?

Financial independence la la landDo the math it works

 

A state of being out of touch with reality and in this case with money in debt…. yep that’s living in a financial independence la la land.

You dream of retiring and doing anything your heart desires because you were smart with your money when you were younger but were you really?

You don’t have to be married or in a relationship either to be a donut with your money.

I don’t normally watch too much television but last night for the very first time we watched Money Moron staring Canadian financial guru Gail Vaz Oxlade.

You either love her or you hate her because of her no-nonsense to the point approach with personal finance.

I happen to think if you beat around the bush with finances you get nowhere. Sometimes it’s hard to hear the truth but if that’s what it takes to wake someone up from a financial independence la la land then so be it.

It’s amazing how many people who want to retire early and think that the road to that money independence is easy peasy when in fact it takes lots of work.

There’s more to the fat bank account than having a shopping budget that will help you to the finish line before your peers. It’s about having your money saving money and thinking ahead while being realistic and enjoying life along the way.

Wealth doesn’t happen overnight unless you are lucky, heck it’s taken me years upon years to get where I am and I’ve even made plenty of mistakes along the way.

Although we watched plenty of her “Til Debt Do Us Part” show years ago this one was a bit different. To be honest I don’t know how she holds back because sometimes you simply want to toss a bucket of water in someone’s face to wake them up.

I tend to finish her sentences when she bites her tongue but I’m pretty sure she’d have much more to say than I would.

Problem is, she can’t fix the way someone is they need to figure it out on their own. Gail or anyone who is a financial nerd can hand someone all the financial tools they need but if they aren’t willing to change they just collect dust.

It’s with anyone really, you can’t pour your financial habits on to them and expect them to be the same. It doesn’t work that way. All you can do is examine their habits if that’s what they want and make suggestions.

There’s lots of pride shining on that show especially when it comes to the man not bringing in enough money to support a family and he refuses to do anything about it or he sulks and says the world owes him not the other way around. Sorry buddy, life doesn’t work that way.

Same goes for the ladies, if you want to be a stay at home mom you either need to have that supporting income and budget that fits or you simply can’t do it so don’t try to make the financial puzzle work when you can’t.

You need to make changes before so don’t whine about going into debt when you knew from the start you couldn’t afford it. I have people searching every day on my blog about how they can afford to even go on maternity leave let alone be a stay at home mom.

It’s tough in Canada these days so you better know your finances inside and out and not make excuses about how much you owe and spend it will only bite you in the backside in the end.

Sometimes I wonder if these participants watch a taping of the show to hear how silly they sound. Not all of them but a good majority from the beginning of the show say something that makes you want to scratch your head and say, ‘what were you thinking?’

The reality is most people don’t hear how silly they sound when they talk about their finances and how they view debt. I’m not just talking about people who are in debt up to their eyeballs but even those who earn lots of money but spend it just as fast. That I am entitled talk really gets old.

Some people you can talk to them until they are blue in the face about getting their finances under control but it’s like talking to a goat who can only say Baaaaaaaa… as if there was no way in the world they could consider using a budget or simply monitoring their finances.

It’s like the good old saying “in one ear out the other” or not believing in themselves so they give up before they begin.

 

Priorities

 

The one guy in the episode we watched spent more time feeding and walking his dogs each week than he did with his own child and working.

He felt working 22 hours a week was enough to have his wife become a stay at home mom and sustain the family home.

Knock, Knock… McFly are you in there? Anyone who watched that episode couldn’t understand why on earth she was with him. I did feel sorry for her especially after some of the things he said.

She left him for a moment at the end of the show but got back with him and lost her $3000 cheque that Gail was to give her.

I’d be shocked to see that relationship last unless he changes but some people put up with crap just to keep a family together. Funny thing is, it never works and eventually you have a decision to make.

Some of the things he said on the show made me shake my head. I agree with Gail not giving it to her and they have a long road ahead if they didn’t learn anything from being on that show.

 

Money

 

What is money?

To be honest some people simply don’t know and that’s why they end up on Gail’s show not only because they think they will get the money from her but maybe she’s right. Well I’m pretty sure she’s certainly not hurting for cash and she knows what she’s talking about.

Generally you can tell the people who are on the show to seriously make a difference in their personal finances and the others who think ah heck so what if the world knows we just want Gail’s money.

She knows too and that’s why when you see people not get the full amount it’s because their heart wasn’t there from the beginning.

I’m sure Gail will agree that what she teaches is not rocket science and it’s a pity that finance is not taught in the education system.

Maybe that would help people gain a better understanding about the simple fact of “spending more than you earn” means you will end up in debt if you can’t pay it all back in full.

Rocket science, not really its simple math which if I recall was my favourite subject in high school but that doesn’t necessarily mean that one will understand how to apply that math to their finances with lessons.

 

Entitled income earner

 

The second episode I watched tonight showed the husband boasting about his $90,000 income and felt that he could do whatever he wanted with that money.

He has a wife and a child on the way. What he failed to come forward with was that it was his gross salary not his net. For some reason I honestly don’t think he had a blinkin clue.

He net $43,000 after expenses and taxes plus her $24,000 income ( I believe that was the amount) didn’t quite add up to enough to pay for their $12,000 in expenses they were spending monthly when Gail did a clean-up of their bank account.

I bet that really opened his eyes. If there is one thing you must remember it’s that just because you earn a certain amount every year if it’s not what you bring home and is in your bank account it’s not your net income.

It’s all fine and dandy thinking you make almost 6 figures and you want to fit the role but you don’t look as appealing when you’re sinking in debt.

Think net as in catching fish to take home for dinner, that is your gold. He quickly changed his tune once Gail gave them the challenges and their marriage was saved.

 

Over the cliff

 

It’s amazing how so many couples will push themselves to the limits of potential divorce over money when the solution is simply working together and being realistic with their budget.

That’s living in a financial independence la la land and I truly hope these people wake up before it’s too late.

If you think you are struggling while you are both earning an income you have another thing coming when you get divorced, especially if kids are involved.

 

Bank accounts

 

One thing Gail suggested was opening multiple savings accounts so you don’t spend the money you save.

Even better is putting money in a bank that offers little to no fees like President’s Choice Financial.

Fees alone for some people are mind-blowing and could feed a family of 6 worth of groceries for a month with what they pay in service fees.

People who are not disciplined spend extra money they earn or save in the bank all the time. They get a bonus or they save money and put it in their bank account and before you know it they are making excuses for why they have to spend it.

This is why we went ahead and opened several savings accounts. There’s only one account that is used to spend money.

Our projected expenses account holds all the money we know we will have to pay at some point during the year. We never use that money for anything but those expenses. It’s hard to track those expenses if you keep all that money in one pot.

When you start a family and think that you can continue doing what you have done financially if you are in debt you’ve got another thing coming. Carrying your weight as a mom and dad when you have a child on the way is imperative.

You can’t live life according to what you want to do and because you can’t get a certain job you simply don’t work or only work a few hours a week.

Time to grow up. Once you involve children and if you are in good health you must do whatever it takes to contribute to a relationship financially because now you have a child to consider.

 

Yours and mine

 

Separate bank accounts? I won’t judge you if you are married and have separate accounts and you both pay a portion of the bills but I’ll be honest and say I don’t understand it. I’m sure you have your own reasons about why but if I can’t trust my spouse financially, I won’t be marrying that person.

What’s the difference it’s not your money it’s our money as it should go in one big pot. That just instigates more ways for your partner to potentially spend more money without you knowing and hiding it.

I won’t get into a big debate on this one because to each their own, I just never thought of anything separate when I got married. Some couples feel that just because one partner makes more money they have the right to spend more money. Boy, are they going to have a rude awakening one day.

Money truly is a mystery to many people and to be honest, it’s pretty simple. The problem is unless you are taught from a young age or simply ‘get it’ then you might have to learn the hard way and I don’t mean struggling to make ends meet I mean budgeting your money to make it work.

There’s no easy fix and the money you get for going on Gail’s show isn’t going to solve your money problems it’s simply a little help if you deserve it.

Living in a financial independence la la land is only going to hurt you down the road so buckle up if you aren’t willing to wake up and make some changes to your finances. No one else will give a rats if you don’t.

Do you know anyone who live in a financial independence la la land?

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Move In With Your Partner: The financial steps

move-in-money-coupleTALK ABOUT MONEY FROM THE START

By: Michelle

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine asked me a question: “Should I move in with my boyfriend?”

Normally, I’m one to shell out advice in a matter of seconds, but this one had me a bit boggled.

Moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend can be quite a big leap for the relationship, and moving in too soon could have major ramifications both emotionally and financially.

 

Move In Ready Conversations

 

I’m a bit of a narcissist when it comes to love and relationships. I believe that the stars have to do more than just be in line for it to be “the right time.” Each person has to chip in and make some major steps- and that is especially true when it comes to getting financials ready for the big move in date.

The first major step is to reveal your finances. Move in without knowing what’s in your partner’s pocketbook? HECK NO. While exchanging credit reports takes away the fun of it, a couple should be comfortable enough to sit down and hash out debts.

If one person rebels or squirms away, that move in date should be pushed far back until that person can be mature enough to discuss money with the other.

I also believe that this conversation should also include a major discussion on future financial goals. If you’re going to move in, I’m assuming that this relationship is going to be long-term and perhaps lead to marriage (if that’s your thing), so both partners should be comfortable with where the other is heading financially.

Living frugal your thing? Got old episodes of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous tivo’ed for inspiration? Not knowing how your partner plans to spend and save could mean pretty pennies and tons of fights down the road.

Speaking of fights, did you know that the majority of divorces end because of money issues? I cannot say it enough that getting yourself on the same money path early before making the step to move in is absolutely essential in setting up good habits for a healthy long-term relationship.

 

Move In Your Money

 

Ok. So your suitcases are packed. You signed up for mail forwarding. And your boxes of kitchen items are securely on the moving truck. But what about your money? Where is that headed? One of the most difficult steps in the move in process is deciding how money will be handled in your new, two-person home.

My friend (let’s call her M) is a perfect example of a 20-something moving in. Working two jobs, M has a good amount of income coming in for her age bracket.

She also has a savings account in which she is working to create an emergency savings. M’s beloved is in the same boat as well, but is doing better. He makes about double what she does, owns the home M would be moving in to, and has an established emergency fund and investments.

How should M and her boyfriend split up expenses? There are typically two trains of thoughts. The first one would have M and her man split up expenses evenly regardless of income or savings. The second would have M pay less considering her partner’s significant income.

There really is no right or wrong answer here. Every partnership will be different. The best way to do this is for the primary or former bill payer to lay out every home related expense (including estimating an uptick in grocery costs) and then calculate what half of that amount would be.

If the person making less money cannot afford or feel comfortable paying it, then perhaps this is the time for the other person step in and make up the difference.

 

Share the wealth?

 

Ok. So now you know where your money is going, but what about our money? There is a great deal of trust involved in combining finances.

If after all of your money discussions, you feel that the person is not in line with your money goals, I highly recommend NOT combining finances. If, however, both of you share the same goals (both in the relationship and for your pocketbooks), it’s great to start the conversation.

As long as both of the partners have a healthy relationship with money and have discussed marriage (or the alternatives to it), I advise starting with a small, shared checking account.

This account could be set up for each person to contribute to. Maybe it’s for splitting the cost of the lease and utilities or an entertainment fund for nights out on the town- either way, both parties should come in with the understanding that it is a shared account with each person having equal rights and responsibilities to it.

In order to protect themselves, a lot of partners have begun creating contracts for their partner. This contract covers what happens if/when a breakup occurs.

I tend to think contracts like this are impersonal and can create more problems than they are worth. If you really cannot trust your partner to leave the new couch and the shared bank account alone if you were to break up, then why move in to begin with?

 

Where you move in, debt will follow

 

At this point, all of my personal finance blogging friends (and my dad) are probably screaming: “WHAT ABOUT YOUR DEBT!?!” Don’t worry. I’m not forgetting this major rock in the move in suitcase. I want to keep this part short because I believe in one thing and one thing only:

YOUR DEBT IS YOUR DEBT. WHATEVER YOU AQUIRED PRE-RELATIONSHIP SHOULD REMAIN YOURS UNTIL MARRIAGE.

That’s right. Whatever you do, whomever you move in with- your debt pre-move in should not be touched by the other partner until you have committed to marriage (except if he or she is an insanely rich sugar daddy/mamma… then we’ll talk). Please take this advice from experience.

Having your richer partner pay for your car bill, medical statement, or student loan debt is going to harbor resentment or “you owe me!” conversations down the line. Yes, you or your partner may want to chip in out of love or concern, but keep your debt business out of the relationship until you have gotten down on one knee.

Debt should be talked about with honesty and compassion towards one another (that was step 1). And, in the case of M and her boyfriend, it was the deciding factor in how to split up home expenses.

Because M had a car and student loan, her boyfriend graciously decided to step in and pay more of the mortgage costs. M will be responsible for the smaller home costs like the electric and gas bill. She will also do a bit more cleaning and organizing around the house to chip in.

 

Make the leap to move in

 

In the case of M and her boyfriend, the move in process was relatively painless. They were honest and fair in their financial decisions regarding their new home, and they both continue to work on their respective debts with the support of the other.

This whole process took several weeks, but both can attest that making the decision to move in shouldn’t be based on guts or stars. Instead, it should be made on trust and respect for the past, present, and future financial and emotional goals of both people.

 

Post Contribution By:

Michelle blogs for Fit is the New Poor. While her husband is unemployed, she writes about getting on the track to financial freedom by slimming down debt and working out assets. You can also follow her on Twitter

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How to plan your wedding flower budget in advance

wedding-photo-flowers-bouquetPLANNING YOUR FLORAL BUDGET

 

Wedding planning is an exciting time for a bride and groom-to be even though many girls have their dream wedding thought up years before the big day actually happens.

Proper wedding planning can end up saving money in some of the more expensive parts of your wedding budget.

Take the time to know how much you have to spend and how much you are willing to spend in accordance with your personal tastes.

There are so many things to think about when it comes to planning your wedding including your dress, the venue, guest list, menu, flowers and décor, just to name a few.

If you have a tight wedding budget or simply don’t want to spend an outlandish amount of money on your wedding, making a couple of right decisions in the beginning may pay off for you in the end.

My mom is a florist who over the years has worked with many brides-to-be and I am sharing below some of her tips for saving money on your wedding flowers.

 

Skip unnecessary planning costs

 

The internet sure has become a handy tool and is a great place to start to look for ideas for dresses, flowers etc.

As exciting as it may be to run out and buy some of the latest wedding magazines they are not cheap ranging in price upwards of $15.00 or more for some of the best magazines out there is a good chunk of change.

Alternatively you could look online to see if anyone who just got married is giving their magazines away or scour the thrift shops to see what they have lurking about.

If you want to skip the magazines you can easily use the world of information at your fingertips online with no extra fee on top of your regular internet bill.

 

Choosing your colours and doing some research

 

wedding-rings-centrepiece-

The colour(s) you choose for your wedding will impact the choices available to you when it comes to making decisions such as bridesmaid dresses, décor and flowers unless you choose a multi–coloured wedding of course then the options are endless.

If you decide you want to include white wedding flowers in your arrangements keep in mind it is characteristic of white flowers to turn slightly brown.

Some cut flowers may start browning within a few days of being cut even if your white flowers are arranged the day of your wedding you run the chance of having brownish white petals on your flowers.

Generally darker colours such as red and purple are associated with Winter and Fall and the lighter, paler colours such yellow and pink are associated with Spring and Summer.

Your flowers of choice may not be in-season and as easily available to get hold of making them more expensive to buy.

Knowing what flowers are readily available in your season of choice and what colours of each type of flower can be ordered is a good thing to know when deciding the colours you will use.

 

Choosing flowers that are in season

 

Choosing to use flowers that are in season will always be cheaper, they will not only be more easily available but the flowers used will be of a higher quality having grown during their normal growing season.

While roses are available year round and in a wide variety of colours they may not be the first choice of flower that every bride and groom want to use.

There are also other seasonal options such as berries, small pine cones, crab apples and chestnuts for example that can be used as a filler in bouquets reducing the number of flowers used in the arrangement.

 

Seasonal flowers

 

wedding-cake-fresh-flowers

The following is a brief list of popular wedding flowers that are in season throughout the year.

 

Spring

 

Bursting with colour these spring wedding flowers are sure to please.

Roses, Tulips, Peonies, Hyacinths, Anemones, Calla Lilies, Irises, Daffodils, Hydrangea, Lily of the Valley, Sweet Pea, Delphinium, Alstromeria

 

Summer

 

Roses, Sunflowers, Asiatic Lilies, Gerbera Daisies, Peonies, stock, Delphinium, Irises, Calla Lilies, Lisianthus

 

Fall

 

Roses, Gerbera Daisies, Hydrangea, Delphinium, Amaryllis, Carnations, Viburnum, Irisies, Narcissus

 

Winter

 

Frost your special day with these popular winter wedding flowers

Roses, Tulips, Hydrangea, Amaryllis, Lilies, Orchids, Stephanotis, Ivy, Evergreens

 

Exotic flowers including Orchids and the Bird of Paradise flower will always be a more expensive option no matter what the season.

Before your florist places any orders ask them if they have colour charts for the specific flowers you have chosen which are often given to them by the wholesale flower supplier.

Referencing these colour charts prior to ordering can prevent the disappointment on your wedding when your flowers arrive and the exact colour is not what you were expecting.

Ordering pink flowers is not specific enough and looking over these charts with your florist and ordering the exact shade desired can give you the peace of mind that your flowers will arrive in the colours you ordered.

 

Choosing your florist

 

My mom being an experienced florist has heard stories from some clients who have gone to a florist for some advice on wedding flowers and without purchasing a wedding package were refused any advice.

Do not choose a florist who will not discuss your ideas and come up with a plan with you without seeing some money first.

Any good florist will be happy to take the time to see if they can meet your needs and desires.

 

Grocery store florists

 

I have heard of good and bad experiences using grocery store floral shops.

Purchasing your flowers from the grocery store can be used as a cheaper alternative though you may find that they offer only wedding packages with very little room for changes without incurring more fees.

Word of mouth is a great way to find a good florist, ask your friends and family not only about the quality of their work but also how well they worked with them in making decisions and offering money-saving alternatives.

Go in with an open mind and be willing to discuss other options the florist may be able to offer to achieve the same or similar results of designs and arrangements that are of interest to you.

 

Utilize your local farmer`s market

 

You may have a talented friend or family member who has diy wedding ideas when it comes to decorating and flower arranging which might help you save some money in your wedding budget.

If they are interested in decorating for your wedding you may want to consider taking them up on it if you are confident in their ability to make your wedding day look as beautiful as you desire.

Choosing a florist that is not affiliated with a flower shop means they are not restricted to ordering from a specific supplier and you can then utilize local resources such as farmer’s market to purchase beautiful cut flowers much cheaper than being limited to ordering through a specific supplier.

 

Fresh flowers aren’t for everyone

 

 wedding-centrepieceWedding Flowers can swallow up a fairly large percentage of money in your wedding budget and for some the cost can be overwhelming and surprising when they receive the bill.

The flowers will all likely wilt by the time you leave for your honeymoon and some may see this as a big expense to throw away in a few days.

There are people in our world, women included, who do not care for fresh flowers or any flowers at all.

Bouquets and table centre pieces can be made using things other than fresh flowers like brooches and other types of jewellery, paper flowers, and flowers made of felt.

Again, looking on the internet you can find many alternatives to traditional wedding flowers.

Being prepared and knowing a few things beforehand can make dealing with your florist a much smoother and possibly more budget friendly experience.

Taking pictures with you, giving your florist a starting point and visual picture to work with will help to ensure your day is as beautifully decorated as you hoped it would be, whether you chose traditional or alternative wedding flowers.

Plan ahead and be prepared for the expenses wedding flowers may bring you will give you a realistic idea of how far you can stretch your wedding budget.

What ways can you think of to save money on wedding flowers?

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Dating, career, life and true love: The bundle exposed

realationsip-dating

By: Katrina

Dealing With What Life Hands You

We all want our dreams to be bundled up into some sort of fairy tale of a life but who are we kidding, no one has the perfect relationship, career, family all bundled into one. I always dreamed of one day having the perfect family, a couple of kids and a hardworking husband whose family meant the world to him.

While we all know life doesn’t always go as we hope it will and it’s without a doubt that we must deal with road bumps along the way. Divorce is an emotionally and mentally draining experience and if you’ve been through it once it’s not likely something you want to experience again. Healing and picking yourself up from the emotional roller coaster of a divorce takes time and when kids are involved it can be even harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Dating

I’m sure others will agree that being a single mom or a single dad makes dating interesting and harder to do especially when you work full-time and are sleep deprived. Going on that first date after divorce is not always easy because there is so much to think about.

  • How long do you wait to introduce your new partner to the kids?
  • How do you date without it affecting the kids if things don’t work out?
  • How do you find the time to date in your busy life of homework, extra-curricular activities and work?

I don’t know how to answer all these questions quite yet, which is a good reminder for myself that I am not ready to date although I know with some soul-searching in time I will be able to make that first step into the dating scene once again.

Getting to where we are was hard work not only financially, but mentally and emotionally as well. I am not ready to risk losing what we’ve worked so hard for although next time around I know exactly what I’m looking for in a man and I won’t settle for no less. Dating after a divorce with children means I have to not only think about myself but my children as well because I love them so deeply.

 My money, my decisions

We all know money doesn’t buy happiness, but we do know it sure is helpful to have enough of it. Providing for three of us solely on one income has been challenge, but a challenge I have enjoyed day after day. Mr. CBB opened my eyes to the world of budgeting , and a while back he featured a guest blog post from Alexa who blogs at Single Moms Income called “Three Best Things About Being Single When It comes to money” and in this post I felt like she was talking about me, my thoughts exactly and in many ways she was.

I decide what I do with my money, I am the only person standing in my way and I am the only one I have to depend on. I have money in savings for both the kids and myself which is something I would not have if I was still in my marriage. Saving for the kid’s future is a top priority and I’m looking forward to watching our savings continue to grow.

Routine

As tiring as it can be, being a single mom has become a way of life for me and at times I just walk the same path over and over until it’s bed time and lights out. Though having an extra set of hands around here and some companionship would be nice at times right now isn’t the time. I am a happy, independent person and I enjoy my space, our schedule and our routines which have brought us closer together as a family.

Adding another person in the mix that may throw everything off terrifies me although I know I have to work through my anxieties of falling in love again with the right man. I want to make sure he understands our life as a little family and that it’s important for us to work together to keep the flow of our daily life continuous so that it doesn’t cause too big of a disruption for any of us.

True Love

What is true love?

We all want to know what true love feels like. I know that meeting “the one” special guy that I will spend the rest of my life with will be apparent this time around. I know that he will take my breath away, he will treat me like a woman should be treated and he will expect no less from me.

I want to find true love and hopefully one day I will although we often find true love in spots we never thought in a million years someone would be hiding and take a piece of our heart .I dream of one day having a companion, a best friend and role model for my kids.

I crave someone who can put a smile on my face and who is always there to lend a helping hand and wrap his strong arms around me when I need him near me the most. I want a man who is proud to tell the world he is in love with me and that I am his forever.

His actions should speak louder than words and as much as I desire all of this he deserves it just the same from me. I know what I want in my life and a life partner is one thing, but jumping the gun and dating before I am ready for the sake of a companionship and someone to talk to isn’t worth what it may affect in my life, my kids life, our routine and ultimately our happiness. I’m confident I will find true love one day and I am okay waiting for it.

When I’m ready to date I will know when I meet Mr. Right (for the three of us) because the thought of dating won’t seem like so much work. Dating should be simple and the bond between two people should happen naturally. There shouldn’t be any guessing games because if someone is really falling head over heels in love with you they will do anything to be with you and spend time with you, no excuses.

I know that the one date that I go on where I am attracted to the guy and it doesn’t seem like a date rather a union of simplicity then I might be on to something special. If we are able to walk and talk and our hands just happen to meet then you know that love is in the air. Until my true love makes his debut in my life, I’m happy with the way things are.

The bundle exposed encompasses all the love and tragedies involved with relationships and how life has a funny way of bringing people together but they need to work on keeping it together.

Do you have any tips for dating after a divorce?

katrina cbb

Post Contribution: 

Katrina is regular contributor for Canadian Budget Binder and is as passionate about personal finance as she is gardening. Katrina is a horticulture graduate with over 10 years experience with landscaping and greenhouse production.

Her goal is to share her knowledge and experiences blogging about gardening and her continued passion for personal finance in hopes of motivating others. While being a single mom of two and an in-store marketing representative for major retail shops she also runs her own Landscaping Services in Southwestern Ontario.

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Money isn’t everything happiness is

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You Can’t Expect Money To Buy It All

Money isn’t everything happiness is and to some people having money in the bank means you must be rich or you have a good job. That is far from the truth but only those who can see past what others have then they too can focus on creating a life for themselves that makes sense to them. This week has been all about relationships and money and to be honest it’s a topic I enjoy because the struggles that many people go through when it comes to money and personal life need to be heard.

There are things money can buy and things it can’t such as love, respect, happiness and likely a whole host of things that many people take for granted because money is involved. Is it better to be rich and miserable or poor and miserable? I guess only you can answer that question. How many times have we heard of famous actors and musicians committing suicide and they have all the money in the world? Money sure is powerful but is it powerful enough to take away the passion for life that is deep inside your heart?

Money is necessary to live but it’s also a ticket to rob, steal and cheat from people just to make ends meet. Money isn’t going to help your social life, love life and win whatever it is you are wanting to prove to someone. Many of these people will never find the survival guide they are looking for as there really isn’t anything magical out there.

Negative thoughts

How many times have you said to yourself, I don’t make enough money, I need more money, I am not good enough for someone who makes more money. Many people tend to put a strong emphasis on money and can tell you how often they’ve went to the mall shopping to blow their pay on clothes and cologne just to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Often the results are putting people into debt and they struggle even further with a new dilemma. Money can be a roller coaster in our day-to-day living if we allow it. When open our mouths and push aside the positive vibes we should be creating with negative we invite that darkness to continue to loom over us. It’s imperative that we replace these thoughts by being mindful of what we say and think before we speak.

The other day in my how to lose a guy in one date post I was talking about my friend who struggles to find a woman to love him for the man he is and one who allows him to be the man he wants to be. We are best friends so I know him pretty good and when we spoke that particular day it was clear he felt money IS everything and IS the reason why some women were not good enough for him. His negativity is his downfall and he fails to see it at the best of times but he told me that she arouses his senses and he is a happier person these days for that because she is so unique and like no other. The hard part for him is to accept that someone believes in him because he needs to believe himself as well.

He’s in love

The dates have come and gone for him as he searches for true love through online dating sites but there is something brewing in his surroundings. I’m no love master but from the sounds of it a close relationship has flourished between them. His emotions run deep when it comes to women since women often leave him so he must get past his negative thoughts in order to fully grasp the situation. He’s clearly in love with this woman he’s known for many years as friends but holds himself back because he is fearful he can’t give her what she needs. He lets failure win before he even starts and he could miss out on something very beautiful in his life. The door is half-open for them both and someone has to make a decision.

He contemplates forever with her even though I can tell by the way he looks at her in the eyes and talks about her that forever is what he wants. He says she motivates him to be who he wants and inspires him to reach for his goals, something no other woman has done for him before. I often believe when you can feel passion that strong coming from another you know there is something special happening. It’s nice to see him smiling all the time, now I just need to assure him that walking through the door won’t be as bad as he thinks, although it’s easier said than done. Us, men are stubborn mules.

She earns more money

One large set-back for him is that she currently makes more money than him and she seems to have it all together. Sometimes what we believe is not always what it seems though. His attitude is most times gloomy when it comes to his appearance as he doesn’t want to grow old and lonely. I don’t know how many times he’s talked about his wrinkles, white hair and his demise because of lack of sleep from his job and responsibilities

As I mentioned before in order for him to love he needs to love himself first but he also has to realize that money isn’t everything and it shouldn’t define a relationship. He told me money has come up in numerous conversations and eventually it does get to you when you feel like you aren’t achieving more. To be honest not all woman want a man with money or some high-paying stressful career who comes home yet is too tired to do anything.

Having money doesn’t necessarily mean happiness as many people struggle between love and money and only see an end rather than a beginning to eternity together. Some of those who have lots of cash in the bank are bitter and dismal inside because the money isn’t giving them what they desire. The instant high is just that, instant then it goes away. Sooner or later the spending spree will end and reality sets in. I told him that if he just forgets about the money he will be able to love effortlessly.

One and the same

I think it’s just the way men think but when they feel that they don’t earn enough money or aren’t happy with their chosen path in life that they have to find a certain “person” that is their equal because no one else could possibly want them. So for example movie stars only date movie stars or those who are in senior level roles date the same and the poor can only date the poor or tall people with tall people and short people with short people. It’s such a sad stigma we create for ourselves and it’s of our own doing because we don’t believe in ourselves and our love.

You and I both know that when 2 people fall in love that love does not care how much money you have, where you are from because love sees past our insecurities. Love truly is a phenomenal drug that powers people up and takes them to places they’ve never been before. We do silly things when we are in love and that’s one sure-fire sign that we are on to something special. I can think of many silly things I did when I was falling in love, now that I think about it. For someone who yearns to be loved though they start to believe things are wrong with them when no one comes around, so they try to fix themselves.

He also revealed to me that he thought he wasn’t buff enough and craves attention from the ladies. You see, he wants to be noticed, and he wants the women to close in and huddle with each other about how sexy he is. I’m afraid the years of being 20 are gone and he’s trying to relive them forgetting that there is more to life than being a male stud for the women. You have to love yourself. He lacks self-confidence but what he fails to see is that even guys with muscles can lack confidence. Muscles may give you strength but they don’t give you passion, that comes from deep inside. Get healthy, get fit because you want to.

The title of this post is money isn’t everything because I feel that some people have a hard time forgetting about money and living life like they were meant to be, free as a bird. By spending money and going to the gym he wants to build muscle to feel more confident and to spin heads with the ladies. I’m not sure he will get what he really needs from that, at least not long-lasting. It reminds me of the instant gratification of a shopping spree.

What I don’t understand is how some people feel they are not “worthy” of loving someone who makes more money or has a fatter bank account or a great career. The same goes for those with money who fall in love with someone who has less. It shouldn’t be the deciding factor in love unless debt load is just far too much for someone to handle.

I’m not sure why the stigma and it’s mostly men because we are brought up to believe we are supposed to be the bread winners. Over the years women have broken through the glass ceiling and are taking over senior level positions by storm and you know what, we should just deal with it like men and move on. These ladies may be strong, powerful, confident and make good money but at the end of the day we are all human and we all have a heart.

Changing the way you think about money and how it affects your daily life the better off you will be. Money is simply a means to pay for your expenses to live although when you hear some people go on about only wanting to marry rich or date rich and successful people it’s hard to clear thoughts of inadequacy from your mind. I think that if my friend removes the “money” from the equation and drops the fear of opening up his heart and his mind the woman he was meant to be with, might jut be with him forever.

I believe in fate so if they are meant to be it will be and I also believe that building confidence, encouraging happiness and guided focus will enable someone to see the world clearly.

Building confidence

Forget about money and work on ‘you’ if that is what makes you feel better. Showing others that you can soar through the wind accepting the ups and downs gracefully you exude more confidence in yourself with or without money. Nothing in life is easy, we all must work hard for what we have even belief in ourselves.

When I was grocery shopping the other day, just outside the doors was a young man in his late 20′s early 30′s sat outside playing the guitar. He had his guitar case open and people were putting in coins and bills for him. Although he probably doesn’t make a fortune entertaining grocery store customers the mere fact that he took his hobby public to see if he could earn some form of income shows confidence and women love that. They love that more than they love someone who just looks good, same goes for men and women. Show the world you’ve got talent even if it is planting a garden or even taking photos and bringing them to life with your creative touch.

Happiness

Money does not and never will buy happiness so when I suggest that money isn’t everything and to forget about it the innocence in happiness will gleam. What I’m trying to say is even though you might be broke or have little money if you remember that you are just as worthy as everyone else you can be victorious.

Create your own happiness by allowing yourself to embrace the skills you have and give them your 110% effort. If you have a hobby you are so passionate about, explore it and take it to the next level. Take action now and don’t wait around for someone to give your behind a push because that day may never come. Think with an open-mind and smile because it’s free.

Focus

When we remove money from the equation we open our minds to focus on what we should be focusing on and that is our life.The art of smiling, walking hand in hand and making memories together on a sunny day or enjoy a windy breeze at the beach is the beauty of simplicity,

Running out and blowing money to look good or spending like mad at the mall isn’t going to solve your problems. Keep your eyes focused straight ahead on the target and don’t lose sight. Although you may be wanting to earn more money remember that your family and loved ones are just as important if not more than money because money is just paper.

I don’t think we necessarily need to forget about money because we need money for daily living but what I have learned is that we need to classify it in our lives. If you want to enjoy the world remind yourself that money isn’t everything, happiness is. Until we set ourselves free from money we aren’t able to shut off, unwind and just overall take time to think about how it affects our lives. Love the life you have and embrace your surroundings and love will shine through.

How have you let money influence your social life or relationships?
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