Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

What Most Women Want In A Man… and It’s Not Always Money $

Posted: September 13, 2012 in Our Family Budget, Relationships
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Have you ever met a couple and thought, “why is he with her” or “why is she with him” because I haven’t and that’s because I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Frankly I don’t care why other people want to date each other, to each their own.  Remember that movie, “What Women Want” in 2008 starring Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson? Yes, Mrs. CBB had me watch it along with every Twilight movie going. Did I mention I was a fan of the Young and The Restless, all her doing.

Well it’s true women just don’t want men with a big bank account because money can be earned and saved. Women want more than just a hot body, money and a man who can go all night in the bedroom. They want a gentleman with brains who knows how to treat her right but also has goals in life.

Money can be earned, that’s right and more women today are independent and don’t need cowboy money which I think is sexy. You will be surprised how many women think frugal men are sexy but that’s because they understand the point that money doesn’t grow on trees. Then again being upfront about finance when the relationship gets serious opens up an entirely different decision one would have to make and that’s whether to take on the burden of someone else’s debts. Money fights and Money problems are what tear relationships apart so there is no time to be shy when moving to the next level in a relationship.

If you go after someone just for the money or status you WILL be disappointed when you desire the love and closeness and it’s nowhere to be found. There are men and women who will continue dating someone just to live in the lap of luxury. They want the wining and dining and frosting all around them, it makes them feel special. There are also men who think that women are falling off the earth and they had better start whipping out the money to see who the takers are. When a man gets desperate sadly anything is possible.

We have a mate who moved to the USA, in his 30′s and is dating a women in her 50′s ONLY because she has lots of money. He has no love for her but just wants everything plopped in his lap, no effort required. I’m sure we all know someone like that and again..I hope there is a prenuptial if they get married.

I’m not going to lie and say everything about dating can be frugal because there is a fine line about love and happiness and being cheap/frugal in the lovey-dovey stages. Crikey I flew back and forth to Canada and brought my wife all over the UK and it cost me a pretty penny but it was worth it. I wasn’t buying her jewellery, clothes, perfumes or taking her out for expensive dinners. I was simply spending time with her doing something we both love and that’s being together.

If you are a saver and live by the budget like we do you still need to leave room for entertainment especially if you are single but more importantly if you’re married. I think it’s important to be yourself when dating so the other person knows what they are getting themselves into. I also don’t think you need to take your date to MacDonald’s unless she’s the one who suggests it. If she has a hankering for a Big Mac then by all means be a gentleman and open the door for her and make sure that you pay. Perhaps you could also suggest a posher restaurant and see if that peaks her interest as long as it’s with-in your budget.

When I hear my mates complain about how much money it’s costing them to date women and then they never hear from them again, I laugh. I can’t stop to wonder if they actually think about why these women are not wanting any more from them than a shag (if that). Hey I’m just being real, it happens… where’s the smush room? How do I know this? Well men tend to talk more about women they don’t have feelings for than they do for women they do have feelings for. That’s how we know one of our mates is going to go missing for a bit down the vibrant road called dating if he goes all silent on us. Not all men and women are looking for love they simply are on the pull for anyone who is up for it. If men have no intention to want more from a woman then why do they bother dating them and then complain about how high maintenance they are and draining them of cash flow?

Image representing PlentyofFish as depicted in...

Image via CrunchBase

So, how do men get from point A (seeing a woman they are interested in) to point B (dating her)?

Well for the men that are shy they have their wing man but for those men that aren’t shy like me they go it alone like a prince calling for his lady (ya right but something like that). It’s also common now for men and women to find love by trying out some of the best on-line dating sites such as E-Harmony or Plenty of Fish which is a free dating site! It tends to be easier to be yourself behind a screen while getting to know someone all the while costing you nothing until you ask her on a date. People who say online dating services are rubbish make me laugh because if you think meeting someone in a bar or grocery store is any different you are sadly mistaken. If you don’t know my name I can be whoever I want to be wherever I am. Then there are all the rich men on millionaire matchmaker who can’t find the right one so they hire someone to do it.

Moving forward, I’m no hitch but I certainly feel like it sometimes as my mates can be real tossers in the dating department. I guess I’m what they call a wing man but not by definition as I think it’s silly. I’m typically the inside guy or the support system for my mates and I don’t disrespect women or try to fool them into believing something that is not real, heck I’m married. Although I do think the British accent and physique get in the way of the purpose of my “wing man” role and that is to lead the women to my mates. Yes I’ve been fired on more than one occasion and kicked out ha!

Sometimes men think money is the only way to a woman’s heart and they are so wrong unless they find the women who are looking for men to spend. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but it’s not only what’s on the outside it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Somehow, many people tend to forget this and pay for it down the road with costly divorce battles.

You would think a man would be able to chat up a woman easily but in reality it’s not as easy as you may think. It’s not just the men who have the wing men either the women have their group leader as well, I kid you not. Mrs. CBB has told me plenty of stories about what happens behind closed doors (you women are all smiling because you know it’s true). Who says the rest room is still not called “the office”, the fonze had it right and it’s no exception today.

So when my mates go on about the amount of money they spend on women who never come back I have to ask them these questions depending on the stage of the dating rigamarole….

  • Do you want to be in a real relationship?
  • What are your goals?
  • What do you want from a woman?
  • Are you happy where you are in your life and career?
  • What were you attracted to when you noticed her?
  • Did you offer to purchase her a beverage?
  • Did you chat her up?
  • Did you compliment her? Did you make her feel special?
  • Were you romantic?
  • Did you look her in the eyes or were you more interested in strawberry creams?
  • Did you act clingy?
  • Did you talk about your exes?
  • Did you genuinely want to get to know her more or just shag her?

Sometimes men can be right plonkers when it comes to women and dating but need to remember that who you claim to be should be who you really are. We forget that it has to be more than just physical attractiveness that draws us to life long partners.

In all reality men and women are very different and money in relationships is a big issue. If you try to be someone you are not when you meet someone eventually the real you will come out. Whether you are a saver or a spender eventually talking about it with a potential partner is very important. You don’t need to be cheap when dating, just use your brains and be creative. Women only want to be loved and appreciated just like the next guy, after all money can be made yet love is serendipity.

When you and your spouse/partner were dating what did you really want?

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Rebuilding Life and Finances After Surviving A Divorce

Posted: August 18, 2012 in Divorce, Finance, From the Readers
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Rebuilding life and finances after surviving a divorce can be a long road but the road has to start somewhere. When we get married it’s supposed to be for life, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer but we know actions speak louder than words. We live our lives as if tomorrow will be the best day we have ever lived until a marriage breakdown occurs. Money fights and Money problems being the top reason people divorce yet this is something that doesn’t really need to happen.

With the rising cost of living and families turning to credit and spending more than they earn thus keeping some in debt denial it’s no surprise marriages fail. The walls are crumbling for some couples faster than they are being built. Most families need two incomes just to keep the roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their children’s backs. People are struggling to find work after massive lay-off’s, disabilities and upon graduating University and College. If you think acting like Mr and Mrs. Money Bags is the best way to be the talk of your friends, think again.

Not all divorces end because of money and really no one can say what is right and wrong but we do know that money is the root of all evil and can break relationships in half whether it be a marriage, friendship or relations with family.

We can all work on our finances by controlling our spending by budgeting and always having an emergency savings fund. Sadly though, sometimes this isn’t enough or the love has gone south high above the realms of no return, not even for a second chance. If divorce, lawyers, fees, courts, separation, child support, etc were not enough the stress of picking yourself back up after the pieces are shattered can be just as dreadful.

If you have never lived through a divorce and I hope you never do you will never understand the pain and fiery that couples go through. I don’t know and I never want to know but I listen and I am a person with feelings and a heart. Even if couples say it is amicable there will always be a hole in their heart or a piece of their heart left behind. I believe we all have feelings unless you are some weird and wonderful person with a black heart incomprehensible to anyone, if ever in our lifetime.

According to Stats Canada in 2005 couples married between 5-9 years had the highest divorce rate at 16,207 divorces just up from 15,759 in 2004.  A study from the Vanier Institute of the Family in 2010 states that 4 in 10 first marriages end in divorce based on  2006 census data. Want some Divorce Advice? It costs, and it costs big time for some especially how divorce law can get pretty messy when children are involved or the procedures are long and drawn out.

The Ministry of the Attorney General is a good place to start when the time is right for you to start the divorce process. Is there  a right or wrong time deciding when to get a divorce, maybe but it’s up to you. If your mind is made up or the circumstances dictate the proposition then move forward as fast as you can. No sense prolonging the inevitable, life must go on.

The cost of the divorce process in Ontario can be astronomical with retainer fees between $5,000-$10,000 and a further $200-$500 per hour. The worst part is if the divorce is contested than you better run for the hills or hope you have a secret stash of money. Contested divorces can cost upwards of $50,000 before they even go to trial according to myontariodivorce.com. Some people try to go it alone with the divorce in a box and although the costs are cheaper, if the divorce is contested you better line up your savings as the bill will rise exponentially. Although the best way to save on legal fees according to Canadian Divorce Laws is to do as much of the work as you can yourself. Roll up your sleeves and see if you both can sort out your issues as it will make everything easier.

So although this topic is broad and I certainly cannot fit into one neat blog post take the time to know your rights. Know what you are getting into and plan the execution of a divorce proposition the easiest, cheapest way you can. If you have divorce questions seek the advice of a professional so you aren’t led astray. When the divorce is finally over you can move forward with your life to start over. Sometimes this is not as easy as it seems according to one fan who wrote to me.

Reader Story That Was Submitted: How Her Finances Survived her Divorce

When I first left my first marriage, I was broke with a capital B! Worse still, I was broke and in debt with the ex’s credit card debts in the amount of $60,000 to pay off while I made a whopping $18,000 per year. The first thing I did was move back with my parents for 6 months to get a few months worth of salary in the bank, less the debt payments of course. I needed first & last month’s rent + a security deposit + the connection fee for my telephone. I found a cheap apartment, parked my car, took transit to work, had no cell, no internet, no cable or going out except for a one night a week.

I took a local night course per semester through the adult education program (about $50 per course) and I walked to the class until all the debts were repaid. That was a really long 5 years and I was lucky enough to receive a small windfall during that time that I dumped right on the debts. But, on the upside, I learned to appreciate the smallest of little “treats”.

My mother would take me out for a salad bar type of supper with her every couple of weeks. She regularly came and picked up my dog and took her to the beach for the day so she got out and had some serious exercise and then came home & bathed her before I got home from work. I took every bit of help that was offered to me and I gratefully appreciated the lightening of my load. I couldn’t justify spending any extra transit money to go to the library so I read anything and everything that anyone was willing to give me for free – since that and walking my dog were my entertainment. As I was in a new city, 3,500 miles from all my friends in Ontario, it was a lonely time but it built a self-reliance that I never dreamed I would have. I wrote letters to my friends, as I certainly couldn’t afford to call. You really find out who your friends are! I spoke to a gal yesterday that rode out that dark time with me, and has been in my life now for 36 years!
Would I like to repeat those days…nope! Could I cut back to that stark level again…in a heart beat if needed.
How did your finances survive Divorce?

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