Estimated reading time: 13 minutes
Unlock the power of couple budgeting and achieve financial success together. Learn practical tips to manage your money effectively.
Simple Couple Budgeting
Budgeting as a couple doesn’t have to be complicated as long as you want to budget in the first place.
One of the most asked questions is how to budget as a couple.
These days, it seems to be one of the most significant barriers that stop couples from taking control of their finances.
This might be a long post, but if you are serious about budgeting, you’ll hear me out.
Not all couples want to budget and feel successful with separate bank accounts even after marriage; that was not us.
We became one money jar instead of having doubles.
Some people think budgeting basics is difficult, but it’s the most accessible math you will ever do, and it benefits both of you.
Thinking about how to budget money and doing it are two different things.
To get ahead, you must take the first steps together.
When we are young, we have the entire world in our hands.
We can do what we want when we want, but changes have to happen when we get married or are in a committed relationship.
Now you share that space with someone you love, and two jars become one money one.
Those couples that can’t work on a budget together end up broken into pieces.
I often see one person struggling to balance the budget and another looking the other way.
Dating And Couple Money Talks
We all bring certain ideals and beliefs to a relationship, and it’s probably why I’m a big advocate of talking about money when dating.
You can fall in love with someone, and they could be the best lover in the world, but if your money pot beliefs don’t jive, then look out, there might be trouble.
I’m not saying that all women want money or that all men want money.
If you are not on the same page, you may have to pay for this in some way down the road.
It might not be what you expected, either.
Growing up all we had to do was go to work and take care of ourselves, at least that’s what it was like for me.
That all changes when we get married or are in a serious relationship.
Putting money into one pot can be terrifying when you are in a long-term relationship.
You need to know the numbers and everything about your money, including passwords, account numbers, etc.
Couple Budgeting Is More Than Relationship Goals
You don’t need to be married to be committed, either. Why wouldn’t you care about this stuff?
If your spouse/partner happens to pass away, gets ill, is seriously injured, or leaves you, do you have any idea where you will begin?
If the answer is no, then you should high-tail your butt to your computer and start figuring out a plan as a couple so you aren’t left in the dark should something happen.
I remember when Jen emailed me asking me for help creating your budget.
I first asked hers whether her husband, Ken, was on board.
Unfortunately, he was not at the time, so I tried to motivate Jen to invite her husband to get familiar with the new budget we had created.
This was an important step so he felt like part of the process even though he was hesitant from the start.
Compromise is a huge part of any relationship.
If you can’t work together on your finances, where does that leave you with other aspects of your commitment?
If you are disciplined enough to get rid of debt and stay on track, you will find that the path to financial independence seems more enduring.
In a matter of months, Jen and Ken were back on track, and although she was still in charge of the budget tasks, he knew what the numbers were.
That’s an improvement because he may have felt restricted by having budget categories and only a certain amount to spend.
Marriage Is Couple Budgeting
Here’s what Jen had to say when I asked her how introducing a budget to her husband affected their marriage.
Below is a personal story told by CBB fan Jen Peacock about her marriage and budgeting as a couple.
Before Ken and I met, he spent money when and however he wanted.
When we moved in together, I had him stop using the coffee truck at work, so he started bringing lunch and his coffee.
Ken asked me to take over his finances, and we discovered he was $50,000 in debt.
He got a consolidation loan and worked on paying that off.
Once Ken started contributing to the mortgage after we got married, the loan was too hard to pay, so we incorporated it into the mortgage.
Ken still liked to spend without thinking about it.
He would buy beer, smoke, play online poker, and join every pool they ran at work for every sport.
We continued to go into debt until we had our first son.
Ken quit smoking (more for the health of our son than the financial aspect of it), and I found Canadian Budget Binder through a couponing page.
Budgeting For The Second Time
When I decided to start using Mr. CBB’s budget as a beta tester to begin the budgeting process again negative memories surfaced.
Ken thought that budgeting would never last and we’d give up as quickly as we had on the Til Debt Do Us Part Budget we followed while I was pregnant.
I had asked Mr. CBB to help me create a budget to help us save money and pay down our debts.
Debt Depression Is Real
When I had followed through with the budget, Ken sometimes felt depressed.
He felt that we had no money and he couldn’t do anything like golf as much as he wanted, play online poker, go on vacations, or buy as much beer as he’d like.
Sometimes, it got directed towards me as anger, and that caused us to fight about money.
It put a lot of stress on me.
Finally The Budget Started Working For Us
I commend Ken for always working overtime to help earn extra money, though.
When budgeting started working well for us, we decided to put our car loans and line of credit into a home line of credit to lower our payments. But also pay less interest.
Ken saw that loan decrease and our savings increase, and he started to get on board with budgeting.
Now, Ken asks me about purchases; he has an allowance to budget, and he tries to be frugal by borrowing things from friends, getting me to post on Freecyle, etc.
He occasionally gets frustrated that we can’t afford certain things like vacations, but we don’t stress about money like we used to.
We now aim to work towards debt freedom by living within our means and teaching our son about money from a young age.
The purpose was so that he does not have the same financial problems as us when he grows up.
We are still a work in progress but are doing FAR better than we were just over a year ago.
Stop Running From Your Debt
We cannot run away from it, although many try to put a band-aid over the top by spending more than they earn.
The cash they need to pay for what they overspend goes to credit cards or lines of credit; thus, the cycle begins.
That’s not a fun way to wake up every morning.
We need to stop comparing the financial numbers of everyone else and focus on the hands who put food on the table and a roof over our heads: ourselves.
When the wife and I designed our budget, it was something we had never done before, and trust me, we are still learning.
I don’t think a month has passed since we are making changes to our budget.
Couple Budgeting Is Teamwork
It wasn’t until we got to Step 6, who does what and when that we realized this must be a team effort.
If a couple wants to budget together,, all of their financial numbers need to be put n the table to view.
It’s up to both of you to decide who will take care of the budget or if you will work on it together, which I suggest.
If one of you is huffing it, it won’t work.
It may work if you think you can partially budget behind, but the numbers will be skewed.
For example, if one spouse is spending money and not telling you about it or forgetting to.
There is no room for financial laziness.
You need to get organized if you want budgeting to work.
We can all dream of having lots of money, an early retirement, and winning the lottery, but with no finance plan, nothing will work the way you want it to.
Then again, if you get lucky and win or receive an inheritence, it becomes a bonus.
Putting The Budget Plan In Motion
So, how should we go about budgeting as a couple?
Here are a few steps we took to get our budget off the ground.
Our net worth is over $500,000, higher than we ever expected, and we saved enough to pay almost $265,000 worth of debt (our mortgage) off in less than five years.
Yes, a mortgage is a debt, if you owe money it’s a debt.
That wouldn’t have been possible if we hadn’t used a budget, at least not at the speed it happened for us.
I can’t see us not ever using a budget again; it’s our lifeline to understanding us as a couple, our wants, needs, and where we plan to go into the future.
Moral Of The Couple Budgeting Story
I talked about it earlier, saying how I would discuss money while dating, but some people tend to fudge the numbers to look or feel better.
When you are in a committed relationship you can’t tell lies about money and not expect anything to happen.
It will all catch up with you at some point or another.
So forget about your money status and be honest about wanting to be financially free.
No one wants a liar for a partner, and I’m sure things won’t end nicely once secret debts are exposed.
For example, if you have $100,000 in debt, don’t wait to tell your partner until after you have put the ring on their finger.
Excuses End Now
I always hear excuses from people for one reason or another about their money problems.
People who continually make excuses need to recognize why they keep putting on the brakes.
I wish you knew how often I said I wanted to quit smoking.
There was always a reason why I had to delay the inevitable.
It was a load of crap, so just step into it, or don’t step in at all.
The minute we make excuses for not doing something in our life is the minute we stop taking pieces from the mountain to build our own.
Everything takes time, so suck it up and live life the way you want to.
No one else is going to care if you go into debt, bankrupt, or die smoking. It’s our life.
Take control or give it away; it’s your choice.
Knowing What You Want From Couples Budgeting
If you are living together, whether you rent or buy, you need to know your needs and wants.
- What do you need to live a happy life together?
- Does a monthly case of beer make you happy?
If so, well than you might want to have that as part of your budget allowance.
This is also the part where you want to set some long and short-term goals together.
If you want to buy a house, then discuss how you can save for a downpayment.
It would be best to determine all the costs of purchasing a home to budget that money.
Go a step further and create a test budget that includes the cost of a mortgage and property taxes.
Doing so is a great way to see how you would both handle having a mortgage.
Remember there’s more to owning a home than just a mortgage and property taxes.
Things such as home maintenance and emergencies can be costly.
Do Your Budgeting Numbers Make Sense?
The tricky part is trying to fit the needs into the budget, especially if debt is coupled with insufficient money to pay the bills.
This is where you will both have to decide whether to keep something in the budget, adjust it, or get rid of it.
I know many people who don’t have cable as part of their budget because they can’t afford it, don’t want to pay for it or don’t watch it enough to justify it.
So, if your budget doesn’t balance, what can you cut to make both of you happy and stay under budget to achieve your goal?
Once you know your numbers, follow my outlined 10 step-budgeting series.
It doesn’t have to be fancy.
All you need is to ensure it tells you what you need to know.
Working Together For Optimal Financial Success
As Jen and Ken quickly learned, the budget won’t work if you don’t do it together.
Suppose one of you wants to take over all the computer or pen and the budget paperwork, that’s fine.
There has to be a give-and-take with money, so don’t jump down each other’s throats about expenses.
Own them and sort out what works for both of you and what doesn’t.
You could meet once a week to review the expenses and any bills you need to pay and pay.
Another significant part about doing it together is that it brings you both closer regarding money matters.
Relationships fail because of money; that’s a fact for many divorces.
I’m sure an hour a week is worth keeping the money love alive.
When couples are on the same page and working towards paying off debts, it builds a strong teamwork bond.
If you care about each other, then care about where your money is going.
Understand Budgeting Takes Time To Manifest
Don’t get so flustered about having your money accounted for with a budget.
We all make mistakes to learn from in order to grow and build expertise .
Go ahead and treat yourselves to a night out in the town or book a vacation without financial stress.
All you need to do is save the money in your projected expense account and enjoy the time you spend together.
If you spend more than anticipated, it’s not the end of the world.
As a couple who budget, you will have that emergency savings set aside just in case it’s needed for an emergency.
Whether you decide to pool money together to pay the bills and debts is up to the both of you.
However, if we were dating (not engaged), we likely would have kept separate bank accounts and paid half of all the bills and our debts.
When some couples get married, it’s hard for them to let go of control over their money empire, but ultimately, it was our best decision.
We married because we were in love, had nothing to hide, worked as a team, and wanted to retire early and leave this earth, knowing we followed our dreams.
Couples budgeting works for us and may or may not work for you.
Remember that if you want it bad enough, you will jump in with both feet.
Discussion: How do you budget as a couple?
Please leave any tips or comments below.
Thanks for reading,
Mr. CBB
J doesn’t budget, which makes the cause of budgeting difficult for me. I try to budget and show him where our money should be going and he nods along but takes a completely different direction. So we keep our money separate so I won’t have to deal with it!
Do you think that this is the way it will be for the rest of your lives together?
I probably wouldn’t have a one budget thing if I was in a relationship, but if I was married then yes. I believe in one account for shared goals and expenses, but I also do believe in having your own account for your own spending that isn’t questioned (however that amount is known in the mutual budget), if you get what I mean. I would consider it a very important topic to talk about once the relationship is serious enough, but you can definitely gauge one’s spending style pretty early on.
It is what it is Tonya lol… whether in a separate account or not the money is realized. If I need to spend I do. that’s what misc is all about. We work together but we don’t trip out when one of us spend.
YES!!! When we stopped hiding from debt and attacked it like wild,screaming banshees, it was not only fun, but took a ton of stress out of our lives. We do all things money as a team and have regular, monthly and often times weekly meetings. Thanks for a fun and valuable post, CBB. And have a ribble rabble Monday!!!
Why do I get the distinct feeling that your monthly meetings are more like a party with drinks and umbrella straws… you make it seem fun and that’s what it should be. Cheers mate
I agree Mr. CBB you need to talk about these things while dating and definitely before getting married. Its amazing that my wifey and I made it work the other way around but we sure caused ourselves a lot of headache in the early stages. Find something that works and make sure you get the information such as credit, bills, and goals for future. Nice post Mr. CBB.
Thanks Thomas, it may not work for every couple but I think as long as the basics are there and a mutual agreement that works for the couple it could work but both have to be involved in some form.
Excellent post! One of the first things I noted about my wife was that we understood each other financially and have similar practices. I have heard so many horror stories about couples having big fights over money and potentially breaking up over it. My wife and I are getting ready to very aggressively tackle her med school loans and we had a very productive and open conversation about how we would proceed with little to no disagreements.
I think it’s so important to be on the same level from the beginning. Since you and your wife have been on the same page those med-school loans will be gone in no time at all.
My wife and I don’t necessarily have “conflicts” with this, but there are certainly many times when we struggle with it. I’m the numbers guy and our family’s CFO. I know how much money we have coming in, what expenses we have, and how much money is available. My wife is more the spender. Our budget doesn’t change very much, so we’ll sit down about once a quarter and go over things.
You’re lucky our budget changes often but it’s no big deal since we input every expense each week so we have all the information right in front of us. We are numbers fans so we like to know where it all goes but we are also not sticklers about our money. If we need more we will make sure there is enough in the categories.
Nice post Mr. CBB! We tackled it head on before we got married and haven’t looked back. I find that communication is key, as well as both the spouses owning the budget – otherwise it’s likely to fail. I say handle things head on and you’ll be happy that you did. 🙂
I seriously think smart phones and having mint on them all the time makes budgeting with a SO a no brainer. It’s so easy to be on the same page when all the hard work and tracking is being done through software and you’re both updated continuously. It definitely eases disagreements. =)
Some good points in the article. Those times that hubby has tried using a budget it lasts until he sees something he wants that isn’t in the budget….. Most of the bills are automatic, the only ones we have to ‘pay’ ourselves would be Rogers and M/C. Rogers will be paid this week sometime and M/C is sitting at a lovely zero balance. Oh..as is Sears. I charged a whole $12.00 on it at Christmas!! Terrible I know…The one thing I can try to control is groceries and you know how that one goes.
I’m pretty sure I can find what I need if something happens to him. He will tell me every once in a while that if I ever need such and such it’s in this place……usually right before he decided to re-organize things. I have a rough idea of where things are as he has a number of plastic file holders on shelves in the computer room so it would be a matter of the kids and I looking in those first. One of these times when he’s outside or otherwise out of my hair I’ll go looking to make sure. As things are not great here I do intend to make sure I know where things are just in case.
The one part in this post where I talk about couples who can’t work together and one might try to control the groceries was because of you. I remembered you telling me that and it’s true though, many people are like that. They try to control the parts that they can and the others they can’t they hope it works out for the best.
Money is not something Brian and I fight about, thankfully! We follow a pretty strict budget that gives us both our own separate spending/savings but requires us to each put in a certain amount towards joint expenses. So far, so good!
That’s great that it works out for you that way. If it works don’t break it. That would not work for us because we just want all our expenses together. We never fight about money either, likely because we understand where we want to go like you and Brian as well.
We write our monthly budget together and rarely have any disagreements. It helps that our expenses are so low and that we share all of the same goals. Plus, we’re both “savers” so there is rarely anything to disagree about.
WOW, Mr. CBB. Great post. Our finances were a mess for the first 16 years of our marriage. We had never learned how to manage money together – Rick had a fear of spending, I had a fear of not being able to spend. What a mess that created. Choosing to budget as a couple has been one of the best moves we have made for our marriage, and for our family.
Thanks for sharing that Laurie as I’m sure many who read the post would love to get feedback from other couples.
Great post… For my wife and I.. It all starts with honesty. If we want to buy something, we just tell each other, and it isn’t a big deal. If you start keeping secrets, then you will likely run into trouble.
That’s true, secrets only lead to fights.
I think budgeting as a couple is important, or at least knowing where money is going and what the limitations are. It’s more difficult than it sounds, but you’ve got some great points here.
I think it becomes as difficult as the couple makes it. We find it dead easy to do but for others depending on personalities, beliefs and other factors might not find it as simple, that’s true.
We talk about money all the time. It goes like
me: you spent on WHAAAT (a second car, a boat, a maid, a new thing we don’t need…)
him: yolo
me: ok I buy my peace, whatever.
It would be a problem if we couldn’t afford it but so far so good.
Oh Pauline, you make me smile all the time!!!
I loved your post today, the hot fierce lion was getting ready to rumble. Your man doesn’t have to worry about you one bit, I don’t think. You both know your numbers, some people can’t even say that much.
My wife doesn’t like to talk about money, but we do have the conversations. I am the one the handles the bills and I tell her how much we need for the month. She puts it in and then we are done with the conversation. She is really easy about it and that makes it so we have no money conflicts.
Why do you think she doesn’t like to talk about money? Does that bother you that she doesn’t?