Having jealous friends might not land you at the top of the phone calling lists to hang out but are they really your friends then?
Fan mail really drives me to continue learning about finance and the personalities behind the people who want to get out of debt.
I never push a budget on anyone but I do try to motivate people to set goals in life because personal goals no matter short-term or long-term mean something important if you took the time to set them.
Today I have a young lady who emailed me about a problem she is having with some of her friends. Feeling isolated in a group of friends is not uncommon especially when your career takes off, you move cities or if they become jealous friends because of their financial pitfalls.
I’ve been quite intrigued by your blog back a couple of years ago when you started your budgeting series because that is the time I really started to get my finances in order.
As a recent University graduate living in Ontario, Canada I found that you and I were similar in the sense that we both saved money to go to school and worked in between to continue to fund what we needed. I graduated with no student debt mainly because while studying I created a student budget to get me by each month which you’ve talked about and I highly encourage for any students.
Although I don’t own a home yet I’m not knee-deep in debt like most of my friends are who have recently graduated. When I read the story about that young guy who didn’t want to be house poor like his friends it prompted me to send you an email even though it’s not something I normally do.
I tend to not talk much about my finances like yourself but I hold a senior level position now and it’s clear that I’m not suffering financially. I work hard, very hard for my money.
My problem is I don’t know how to be around my friends that seem to be jealous of my success. It’s not just my career they go on about like I’m the luckiest person in the world it’s the “You must be loaded” or “Colleen’s paying tonight” and other comments they make under their breath especially when we are out shopping “Like you can’t afford that“.
Yes, I can afford lots of things but like you Mr.CBB I budget my money using your free budget spreadsheet (thanks by the way). I don’t just splash my money around and yes I say things like “Oh, I’d like to buy that” or “I’m going to save up for this or that” although they laugh when I tell them I’m on a budget.
I don’t really know what the big deal is because I don’t want to be rely on anyone financially not even a man. In some silly way my jealous friends motivate me to keep on reaching towards my goals because I don’t want to be miserable like them and worry about what I don’t have because someone else is busy out grabbing it.
What I want to know is how do you deal with any jealous friends because you and your wife are debt free including the mortgage at such a young age? Do you ever get jealous of others who are more successful than you financially and how do you deal with it?
I’d like to buy my first house next year with a hefty down-payment so I can stop renting and start earning equity on my money. Thanks for any tips and sorry the question is so long I just wanted to brief you on a bit of background.
First off, congratulations on your career and financial success and thanks for the question. I’ll do my best to answer with my own personal experiences.
It’s amazing how people associate ‘money’ with friendship and that life must be treating you fine but that’s hardly the case for most people. Unless the money has fallen from the sky, donated to you or inherited you likely worked your tail off to achieve the financial success that you might have.
It’s not always about money either it simply can be the title you hold in your career that gets your jealous friends fired up. Just when you thought you only had jealous colleagues you now have to contend with your friends.
Having jealous friends is not easy to deal with and most times your friends might not even know they are treating you differently. It may seem easier because they know you better and are comfortable around you but you feel it because it’s directed at you.
How to get successful in life? Easy, don’t worry so much about what other people think of you. If you want to find secrets to financial success you have to keep smiling and plow through the good, bad and ugly of the world today.
There is so much competition surrounding us that if we fight back we are likely losing a battle we were never destined to win. Stick to your guns and you never know if your success story will motivate someone you least expect. You might find that with-in a group of jealous friends there is always someone who wants to learn the ropes.
Success in life
Everyone defines success differently based on where they started and where they would like to be. For example, I started with nothing and built up net worth by living a frugal life, spending less than I earn and working in a career I love but most of all setting financial goals.
I’ve said it many times on the blog why we should never compare financial numbers and this is why we don’t normally talk about our finances outside of the blog.
Just by having random conversations with friends who go on about how rich so and so is and how it must be nice to have money etc. typically leaves me to listen rather than add my two cents.
I don’t tend to feed into that fire but in my head I know that we all need to live the life we create and are given and make the most of it. Jealous friends don’t lead to positive outcomes if you let them overpower you.
The internet is full of success stories from people like you and I Colleen who work hard for what we carry out financially. What one person defines as successful another laughs at so be proud of your accomplishments.
If you find that your friends jealousy is causing you too much trouble what I suggest is one of two things;
- You talk to them about it
- You slowly distance yourself from them and find new friends
Every week I read posts from personal finance bloggers and although I haven’t met any personal bloggers in real life there are times I get a bit jealous of not only their blog success but their overall financial success.
Sometimes I think I didn’t start saving early enough or I’m not investing on my own so I’m blowing money that other financial bloggers are saving because they are well ahead of me in terms of financial education.
Most times it’s because I’m afraid to get my feet wet and losing money but I know that whining gets us nowhere. What I do is take that bit of jealousy and turn it into a positive. I want to know everything they are doing so I can find ways that work for me. I ask questions and am genuinely happy for them because they have it figured out even though they probably are thinking the same as I am.
Oddly enough if you ask them they likely have a bit of jealousy over the next person who has accomplished more than them. The key here Colleen is to make sure that you take what most would suggest is a negative “jealousy” and build on it to become a positive driving force. If your jealous friends aren’t giving you what you need to build from then find people to surround yourself with who give you what you need.
I often have to tell myself that blogging isn’t my full-time job and although I love blogging I don’t devote the amount of time some other bloggers do to achieve the goals they set out financially. A blogger friend of mine Michelle at Making Sense of Cents earned the most she ever has this month freelancing at just under $15,000 but this is what she loves to do and is good at it.
I’d love to earn $15,000 a month between the blog and freelancing but I know that turning a blog into a business and starting up a freelancing gig isn’t what I want from life. I think it’s amazing what some finance bloggers can do working from home.
On the other hand my career is what drives me and where I spend my time learning about how to be the best at what I do. You have to love what you do even if that means people are jealous of you because that likely is the least of your daily worries.
If anything what fuels me the most is that bit of jealousy to create a network of fans who want to hang out with me here at Canadian Budget Binder to learn about finance. Balance is key in life Colleen and as you get older you will soon find out that you really are on your own in life so don’t let anyone take you down.
I hope that answers your question from my perspective and maybe some of the fans can share how jealousy in everyday life can either fuel someone or take them down.
What other tips do you have for Colleen in regards to being able to look past the jealousy that surrounds her circle of friends?
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