GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND FREELOADER THERE’S NO FREE RIDE
To The Parent(s) who won’t ask their adult child to pay rent when they move back home THIS post is for you. To The Adult child who moves back home with his/her parents and doesn’t think they need to pay rent, THIS POST IS REALLY FOR YOU.
Wouldn’t it be nice….
- Free Rent or No Mortgage Payments
- No Grocery expenses
- No Chores
Sure, it would if you were rich but if you’re not wake the hell up and stop acting like a child.
I don’t care what excuse you dish out there is no reason to NOT pay your parents any money when you move back home. Consider this- If they weren’t there you would have to pay a landlord, live on the streets or in a shelter. Perhaps doing that for a day or two might fire up the dead battery in your rear-end so you understand the difference between being a freeloader and being someone with no where left to go but outside.
If you are the type of adult who thinks your parents should back you free for life you my friend are in for a big surprise for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I do realize adults move home with disabilities or mental illness but again there are resources and financial resources for adults as well. With or without you they would have to find somewhere to live but there may be a greater understanding when it comes to charging rent and time frames. Paperwork and the government certainly take time and if you expect money or results in a week or even 8 weeks you may find you are left without and in need of emergency services.
Your parents house is not your red carpet
The last thing any adult wants to do when they finally move away from their parents to start a life of their own is to move back home. It doesn’t seem very responsible if you have to live with mommy and daddy which might push relationships to the side.
Then again there are parents who can’t live without their kids because they are their help-line and the person they rely on to be their companion. Time to set them free and allow them to build a life. Sometimes adults are too afraid to walk away because they feel they will upset their parents.
Communicate or live with the consequences.
Although it happens every day and for various reasons the worst of them all is the freeloader who thinks it’s fine to make up their own rules and to decide what or if they will pay any rent or offer any financial help to the person paying all the bills.
A recent message from a widow whose adult child moved in with her and is not paying a cent towards the bills has fueled this post for me. She emailed me to ask questions but the more I learned I found I was getting upset to the point I would have loved to come face to face with this adult to wake her the hell up. Then I realized this was not my problem it was the mother’s and if you are reading this and in a similar situation you have two options
- Live with it
- Deal with it
You can’t fix stupid, or can you? Perhaps stupid is too harsh but when you can’t grasp basic math and I mean 1+1= more than 1 and you earn $80 an hour you have problems. Sometimes YOU MUST BE HARSH to get a point across. Being all roses and frosting won’t get you anywhere, trust me.
She is a woman who is living on her old age pension and survivors pension and hardly making ends meet. Although her home is paid in full the bills are still high and there are property taxes plus home maintenance fees to look forward to each year. The home is sustainable if she were alone but added expenses can really put a dent in her budget.
The adult child has never had an apartment and has always lived with boyfriends or rented a room in a house to which the entire family thought was a great way to get her more in-tune with her money situation. She spends without regard to savings and pays the minimum amount on her debts not realizing it will take one million years to pay that debt off. There is no reason to NOT know when the information is right in your face on every credit card bill. Don’t insult the blind when you have eyes to see. It’s no excuse.
While working she earns over $80 an hour and although this is a new career for her she feels that paying her debt off first is more important than helping her mother with the bills. Her mother doesn’t help I’m afraid by doing all of her chores as if she was a 12 year old child. She only does it because she loves her and has nothing else to do while she is home alone.
Hanging out with your mother does not constitute taking care of her which means you get to live rent free. It’s called being a daughter and doing things with your mother especially since YOU chose to move back home. It’s no one else’s problem but YOURS. Listen to how idiotic that sounds that you expect to be paid to take your mother out for rides or to a restaurant for a coffee or dinner. You are NOT her paid companion YOU are her child. Grow up.
Sadly, this scenario happens every day and it’s light compared to some I have heard over the years that I’ve been blogging. I just don’t understand the mentality because I was never that person and I have moved home with my parents as a working adult.
Adults Move Home For Various Reasons
Back when I was living in the UK and I had sold my house to move to Canada I moved in with my sister and brother-in-law for a short period of time and paid them room and board. Although most of the time I was working or sleeping I was still costing them money to use electricity, water and I also ate breakfast and dinner at their house.
Although I didn’t eat much back then like I do today (I can eat for two or three, lol) it was still extra expenses that they had to take out-of-pocket. I know they live pay to pay and there was no way I would even consider not giving them any money for my stay.
During my last month before moving to Canada I was living with my mum and dad and again I paid them to stay at their house. My mom fed me and although they are semi-retired they are not rich by any stretch of the imagination. In fact they are super frugal and watch every pound (dollar) because they too worry that anything could happen and financially they could be drained.
I’ve never been a freeloader with my parents even when I was young they taught me the value of money which I’m grateful for because moving home when I was 30 didn’t come as a financial shock to me. There was no upset that they asked for money because I knew that I was a working adult who understood financial basics. An extra person equals extra expenses. That’s not rocket science it’s called Addition, you know something you began learning when you were four years old.
Perhaps not all parents are like my parents but like CBB reader Thad mentions in his comment on my topic of the 30-something freeloader on Facebook we aren’t teaching children any money lessons by letting them stay for free. Life doesn’t work that way I’m afraid and although the parenting instinct of protect jumps into play you are protecting no-one.
I lived with my parents for a long time but always paid rent weekly. I had my own business and it was just the way things worked out. For a good part of it I was mostly a night guest as I would literally be away all day until late in the evening.
I know a lot of parents think they are doing their kids a big favour by not charging rent and making them help out around the house and buying groceries. But that is usually not the case. If the son or daughter was never frugal with their money, then there is little chance that will change unless parents enforce discipline on the rent.
A good sign that they were not frugal is if they land back home after having a good job for years and absolutely no savings to show for it, which is the reason they are back. Don’t pay their bills or car payments either. That is their problem not yours.
Some life lessons come late in life and sometimes kids have to learn to grow up the hard way when they are adults. Better late than never. Just want to add that if you have children with special needs, that becomes a whole different story. You have to go with your heart and not the pocket-book.– Thad.
Once your child makes it back out on their own and has to pay a landlord or mortgage company they will be devastated to find out that they can’t make it or they have nothing in their bank account when their income is deposited from whichever source.
Freeloader Taking Advantage
The hard part for parents is asking for money from their adult child when they move back in. In fact they shouldn’t have to because it should be an automatic conversation BEFORE the adults starts hauling boxes back into their old bedroom. But, there are those parents who can’t ask for money but know they need it. These parents will allow their adult child a free ride all the way until they leave home again and it’s not right.
What parents have to understand is that it’s not your parental duty to make sure that your child is financially sailing through life on a yacht whether they work or not. Cast them away and let them learn the hard way like everyone else because without financial hardening they will NEVER understand how debt will cripple them and continue to live like money is not important and paying the minimum balance on the credit card is their way to fake being RICH in life.
Sorry… that’s idiotic.
When the freeloader decides they can’t afford to pay their parents rent yet they earn over $80 an hour that’s a big red flag for the 30-something year old. If they can’t get their finances in gear earning that amount of money they have bigger problems then just paying rent.
Clearly either the child is money-hungry and has idea about the cost of living and running a household or they just complete morons. It is what it is. Call it like you see it because any adult who expects their parents to pay for their journey in life while they are out getting their hair and nails prettied up, fancy cars, nights out on the town and thinks THEY come first has another thing coming.
But I have debts of my own I need to pay off first before paying my parents rent
I can’t afford to pay mom and dad rent
Mom and dad don’t need the money
Mom and dad don’t want the money
I’m helping them out by being here
My mom or dad is ill and needs me here so I don’t have to pay them nothing
I won’t be here for long anyways
My siblings are rich let them pay
Why do I have to help them
No one else had to pay rent why should I
The above are all excuses by an adult child who has no intentions of paying rent to their parents when they move back home when they are adults. Whether it be a relationship breakdown, job loss or illness the child must remember that if their parents were not in the picture they would have to pay someone something.
Stop being greedy and expecting your parents to fund your every mistake in life. If it is an illness you are moving home for and you qualify for help from government funding again paying rent is the same as what you would do anywhere else. The other important thing to remember is that your mom and dad is not your maid, butler or servant.
You must wash your clothes, pay your own bills, make your bed, clean your room, participate in chores around the house. You do use the bathroom right? You do shower right? Well they don’t clean by themselves so get off your butt and help! If you have parents who do the work for you then they are not helping you one bit.
Allow your adult children the opportunity to live as if they were living on their own by setting rules in your own house. The more you cradle them the worse it will be for them. You may thing today you are doing them a favour but when you are gone or not around they will suffer and perhaps the next generation of family will as well unless they break the cycle. It doesn’t often happen but it does and can depending on the child.
Kick the Freeloader to the curb
So your freeloader decides they will buy their own groceries because the foods you purchase aren’t in line with their diet. That means they are eating foods that are special to the lifestyle they want to live which clearly is important so because it’s what THEY want they will get it even if they have to pay.
Some adult kids will be so rude as to ask their parents to start buying foods that coincide with the food lifestyle they want to live. For example if the adult is living a low-carb lifestyle they may ask for certain products like Almond milk which the parents wouldn’t normally purchase and so on. Sadly, there are parents that WILL allow their adult children to add to the grocery list and they will pay for it without getting a dime from them.
Eventually if the parents are struggling themselves financially they will feel a deeper burden on the pocketbook and must either grow enough strength to kick them out or tell them they need to pay rent and follow rules when living in their house. No more coming in at 4am or calling for a ride home because they are too drunk to drive themselves. Time to get a life adult and stop living off your parents like a child.
Dating a freeloader
What you live at home with your parents? Oh, ok have a nice day. Most adults may find that as a red flag when someone they are interested in explains where they live. It may sound cruel at first but that’s the way it is. Most people will automatically think the person is horrible with money, has no job, can’t find a job, is unemployable and will walk away no questions asked. Yes, THAT IS REALITY, take it or leave it.
If you move back home and you’re an adult to take care of a sick parent that is different but disclose it to anyone you may want to start a relationship with. They need to know that if you decide to move forward that their is a parent in tow and some people have no interest in this. It’s a hard place to be but very important to be upfront from the beginning.
This is why it is SO important when you are dating someone to find out how they fair on the financial checkbox. I don’t mean to say pry into their money situation but by all means if you can, do it. The last thing you want is some guy or gal who doesn’t know right from wrong with money and thinks that YOU will be the breadwinner and trust me men are just as fast to take advantage of a woman who earns more money than they do.
If money is not a big issue in your life and you accept any financial flaws that might come your way then don’t complain, not once, not twice, not ever. YOU have the power to figure it all out before you move in with someone and before you get married.
Sometimes a person changes after the fact but that becomes an entirely different relationship scenario to tackle but don’t miss any red flags beforehand or you surely will regret taking that plunge if you are money smart and they are not.
My parents were kind enough to take in me and my dog when my first marriage ended. After a cross country re-location, I stayed 3 months…long enough to assemble the funds for my first and last months rent and all my utility connections. I really appreciated their kindness and didn’t abuse it by staying any longer than I absolutely had to. As soon as I could, I was back out on my own. – Mary C.
The oldest returned home after 8 years in the military with depression. That has settled out but he pays board and helps around the house as does his younger brother. With their father sick the last few years, they have been such a big help here. I’d be lost without their help.– Christine W.
My sister (40) this year lives at home with my mom, she and mom decided that she should stay after my dad passed away. She pays $600 a month rent, plus pays for half of the utilities and groceries, and pet costs. I had a medical emergency and had to move back home for a couple years, I paid rent at the time plus paid on groceries, but had my own internet phone and cable,There was no free ride. mortgage and bills dont pay for themselves when you are on a pension- Dawn H.
Discussion: Do you know an adult freeloader who doesn’t think they should pay any money to their parents when they move home? Share your comments below. I realize this is a fueled topic but consider the long-term effects on the adult if you continue to allow them to believe LIFE IS FREE.
Our Net Worth May 2018
Where all the money went:
We had a good month and hit the million dollar mark which I will talk more about it in our June net worth update. It may be a big deal but the way costs are going it’s only a number. I think looking at money as numbers rather than a ticket to freedom perhaps is a safer way to understand how easy or difficult it is to save money.
Understanding Net Worth
What Does Individual Net Worth Mean?
Net Worth is a snap shot of your financial health sort of like a picture or debt to net assets. In simple terms it’s a total of the value of your assets minus your liabilities.
We credit the growth of our net worth due to patience, perseverance, using a monthly budget and not giving up. Your numbers may go up and down but don’t let the numbers scare you rather understand why and move on.
If you would like to use our budget I offer a FREE downloadable budget which I created and that you can use at home just like we do. I don’t charge for it because I want you to save money not spend more!
There are tonnes of other free printable lists offered at Canadian Budget Binder to help you achieve some of those financial goals and build your net worth.
Determining net worth
Figuring out net worth is fairly easy as long as you know your personal numbers or monthly finances which means you need to do your homework. Net Worth is simply adding up all your assets (what you own) then taking away your liabilities (what you owe) which will give you a net worth number.
Understanding your net worth will help you determine if you are on track to meeting or beating your personal financial goals. It doesn’t get any easier than that.
Net Worth = Assets – Liabilities
Calculate net worth
Do you know how to calculate your own Net Worth? We like to calculate our net worth every month so we know if we are still on track. Some people calculate it yearly or quarterly but it’s up to you and how informed you want to stay when it comes to your financial health.
Net Worth is only an estimate and not everyone uses the same type of figures to tally it up. Some of you may not include vehicles like we do or leave out assets inside the home like we have. You might be that person that believes that your house should be excluded. It depends on what you want to calculate or what you can sell today and make money on for tomorrow.
Why not go ahead and calculate your own using our Free Money saving Tool Net worth Calculator (Canadian Budget Binder 2012)
Why you should set financial goals
Below is our progression chart towards our goal of a million dollars net worth which should happen according to our net worth calculations by Mid August 2017 (this year). Note: Since we went on holidays and spent money buying a new truck in 2017 this goal has now changed and will likely take us into 2018. I will have a more accurate update shortly.
Setting goals are the only way we work towards achieving what we want to get done as a couple around the house and in our financial life. I know that without them we would be flying by the seat of our pants which wouldn’t work for us.
Our financial numbers
When budgeting anything is possible, we are proof of that although we still have a long way to go in our journey. These are our numbers and our goals, not a means of comparison towards your own goals to others target goals.
We don’t care how much money others make or if they have a high net worth or if it is lower than ours as it’s not a competition. I hope our experiences perhaps will help guide you along your financial path working towards debt freedom.
Different financial paths
Not everyone has the same path in life. Some of you may have had to start over like I did or go to school a second time and now have OSAP loans to pay back.
Others may have divorced, lost money in the stock market or other investments, suffered job loss, fell ill or injured on the job etc. but you can’t let that stop you from achieving your financial goals.
Some of you may have been given trust funds, paid-for homes, paid educations or perks in life that give you a financial kick-start and that’s OK too. Remember what I said, “It’s not about how much money you make, it’s how you save it”.
No one cares about your money as much as you do so don’t waste your energy trying.
The only reason people accumulate wealth is because they know how to save or invest it wisely even if they did inherit money or win the lottery. The smallest improvements should mean big strides in working towards reaching your goals.
Sometimes we have to fail in order to learn and we’ve all been there. Money can be an evil force for some people especially those who have a negative attitude towards their own financial situation.
I urge you to be optimistic and little by little with determination you too should see improvements, if you want that to happen.
Net worth updates 2018
Click the links below to read 2017 net worth updates to see how we made out following our own budgeting and investing rules.
That’s all for this months net worth update but please check in at the beginning of July 2018 to see how we made out in June 2018 with our financial portfolio.
“It’s Not About How Much Money You Make It’s How You Save It“
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