How We Quit Comparing Financial Numbers With Other People
Estimated reading time: 11 minutes
Learn how comparing financial numbers can affect your long-term well-being. Discover the importance of viewing comparison in a positive light.
Adjust Your Financial Focus
Some people like knowing their friend’s financial numbers, while others don’t.
Comparing what you don’t have to what they do could hurt you in the long run if you don’t view it from a positive angle.
People will complain, moan, and groan about what they have or don’t have, why they deserve more, or how they worked hard, but life crumbled on top of them.
Sure, everyone has a story and likely a story worth listening to, but will anyone care about what you didn’t do to be happy with your life?
Note that I said happy, not rich, and famous.
I’ve talked about it before, and neither my wife nor I used a budget when we first married.
We spent less than we earned and packed away money when we could after our everyday expenses were paid.
That seemed like the common sense approach to personal finance and how people would amass their net worth.
We knew it didn’t matter how much money we earned; how we saved it mattered.
You can make $1000 a week, but if you blow $950, you only have $50 left to put away for a rainy day.
If you make $500 a week but only spend $400, you have $100 left in the future.
Hopefully, you can see my point here. If not, re-read it again until you get it.
Money And Relationships
Talking about money while we were friends made things easier, even though we knew something special was developing.
It was likely the smartest first step in our relationship because we discussed money and its importance.
We were both frugal but complimented one another enough that one didn’t want to spend money on jeans.
Then the other of us would say, “We have the money; come on, live a little, would you?” the jeans were purchased.
That’s just a small example, but money was important to us as a couple, as was making sure that our path in life started on the right foot.
Life was far from easy for us, and we earned every penny we had ever made.
Coming to a new country, not knowing where to begin, and only having the help of my wife and the school system was a difficult task for me.
I had given up everything to move to marry the woman of my dreams and to a new country.
Fitting into a culture unknown to me was and still is hard work.
People would laugh at my accent or what I said because they did not understand it.
Renting Vs. Buying A House
Since we practically lived in a run-down shack for the first two years of my life in Canada, it allowed us to save money.
It was a crappy circumstance, but without me having a job, we had many reasons to worry about whether we would have money coming in or not to pay the bills.
Our decision to rent vs. buy was made because we weren’t ready with us both back in school, even though we had money for a down payment.
There was no sense in committing to a mortgage when we didn’t have a steady income.
Renting allowed us to save more money and gave us freedom by allowing us to have fewer responsibilities.
We didn’t have to pay for any utilities as they were all included in our rent. (I know, lucky us).
During our first few months together, we dreamed about what type of home we wanted to purchase and where to live.
We often found ourselves comparing our lives to those our age, and at times, it seemed depressing that others were so far ahead of us.
Looking back, it wasn’t that they were ahead of us; heck, I bought my first home at 21, and my wife had her first house at age 30.
We gave it all up to be together, and we were living a new life starting from scratch.
Jealousy And Envy
During our renting years, we would get invited to our friend’s beautiful homes for backyard barbeques, and we would be envious of what they would have.
Many would have large homes, pools, double or triple-car garages, and a mortgage to go with the couple of kids they had.
We had each other and our small suitcases of belongings.
Whenever someone asked what we did for a living, we practically sank into our seats.
It was as if we were embarrassed that we were so far behind in our careers and they were off making near-figure incomes or more.
We didn’t want to tell them we were back in school for a second time, hoping for a new career.
Many people do it by no choice or want a career change.
It wasn’t a bad place to be but it’s also not where you dream of turning 30.
Life Starts At Different Intervals For Everyone
I mainly struggled to get people to understand me when I spoke because of my heavy accent, and I would find that I didn’t open my mouth unless I needed to.
I’ve adjusted my speech over my time here, mainly the speed and words for items.
We realized as a couple that even though our friends seemed to have it all, we had to stop comparing financial numbers.
The only cure for jealousy is to stop being jealous, although it seems more like envy than anything else.
Are jealousy and envy the same?
It seems to be, although one may assume that envy may be more positive than jealousy, which may breed evil thoughts in others.
Even though we didn’t talk about how much money we earned, we were more focused on the “stuff” they had rather than our success.
It took some time to realize that success is in the eye of the beholder.
Just because we didn’t have kids or we didn’t have a big house, fancy cars, and the career to go along with it, we weren’t just as successful as the next person.
We were successful and only going to become even more successful when we stopped worrying about what others had.
When you focus too much on what you don’t have, you will continue not having anything or what you desire.
Granted that some people are lucky and win the lottery, have their education paid for, and others get an inheritance, but for the most part, success comes from hard work and a motivation to succeed.
Surround Yourself With Friends Who Have Goals
When I read personal finance blogs, I see how well some fellow bloggers are doing.
I praise them because I know they work very hard.
Blogs are not easy and take longer than I had anticipated, but they are a great hobby for me.
Outside the blog, I have many friends with goals who are successful and happy with what they have acquired over the years, even if it’s simply to own their own home or pay down their debts.
When I read Tony’s story a blogger at We Only Do This Once who got rid of $100,000 in debt it was a reminder that anything is possible.
My friends at Planting Our Pennies share their monthly net worth to motivate others and themselves to keep working hard.
There is also John from Frugal Rules, who runs a business from home, and Holly from Club Thrifty, who gave up her career to blog full-time.
They all set goals and give them their 100% to see where they lead them.
My happy friend Pauline is a young woman who runs the blog Reach Financial Independence and gave up the corporate world for cows, chickens, land, a coconut plantation, and a little house in Guatemala with her boyfriend.
They are thriving because they take charge of their lives and wait for no one to hand it to them on a platter.
I read many more amazing blogs, and I am proud to learn from each day.
Complaining Doesn’t Get The Job Done
People can sit back and complain about not having what others have, but it does no good.
Not everyone gets the opportunity to do what they dream, but the only way to be happy inside is to be the best you can be with what you are given.
The moment we think that others are better than us or are showing off because they have more is when we might as well go hide under the sheets and sleep our life away.
Teachers Are Lazy And Overpaid
We had a conversation with our friend the other day, who is a teacher, and brought up a good point about how others are more concerned about others than themselves.
She’s been asked if she became a teacher to get the summer off.
Questions like that make her feel lazy and not worthy of getting time away because everyone else had to work all year.
She said, “No, I love my job and the summer off is just a perk that comes with the teacher role”.
It’s offensive that anyone thinks she worked hard in Teacher’s College just to get the summer off.
Seemingly more an insult to her intelligence.
Learn The Art Of Walking Away
If someone is jealous about what you have or what you did to get to where you are, then walk away.
You will never change how they look at you, and you don’t want to be around people who are not motivated like you are to have a good life.
They are too busy comparing their apparent miserable life with yours and pointing out all your faults instead of improving their own.
You don’t owe them any explanations either, and hopefully, they get the hint when there is no more of you in the picture.
You don’t have to make money to be successful because success is only what you believe.
Our friend’s success was going into her classroom every morning, even if she was having a miserable day, only to see the kids smiling and saying, “Good morning, Mrs. Teacher” to her face.
Some children would run up and hug her, and others would bring her a treat to say good morning.
That is her success, not the money, the holidays, and the kids.
All of that came with many years of studying, student loans, and debt, which she paid off with dedication to her role as a teacher.
She told me that many of her friends have big homes but have six-figure OSAP loans and massive mortgages, and they are swimming in debt.
She and her husband are happy even if their home isn’t massive.
8 Ways We Quit Comparing Financial Numbers
- We stopped thinking about others’ finances and what they have.
- We created a concrete plan with a set of achievable goals.
- We set a reasonable time frame to accomplish our long-term and short-term goals.
- Rewarding ourselves each time we achieved a goal became a challenge for us.
- Be positive. If we hadn’t been optimistic about where we were headed, we would have failed before we began.
- The minute we stop educating ourselves is when the story ends. We want to keep learning to continue battling our way to the top of our bucket list.
- Spending less than we earn is a forever clause in our marriage, and we continue to use a budget because that keeps our finances on track.
Final Thoughts…
We could focus on ourselves once we got rid of the jealousy bug.
Our first home came with a price tag of $265,000 when we could have spent more on a bigger house.
For us to become successful in our world of personal finances, we wanted to become debt-free and mortgage-free before we were 40 years old.
This is now a reality for us.
Not having all the “nice to haves” in our home no longer matters to us.
We are simple, and we now know that our success is in waking up in the morning and not worrying about bill collectors or owing money to anyone.
Our lives have been created through hard work, frugal living, and forgetting about what other people have.
In essence we started from nothing but some money in the bank and our suitcases to create the life we have now.
So, for anyone who thinks about comparing our life and financial numbers to their own, don’t.
It was far from easy, and I recommend you look at what’s in your backyard before focusing on other yards.
You might thank me one day for that one day.
Discussion: Have you compared your life to others’ success, which de-motivated you?
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It takes a lot of time to realize that the things that are important to other people don’t need to be important to us. Especially all the stuff that sometimes tears us apart from the things that make us happy. A lot of people don’t want to seek happiness in everyday things because it just seems too hard. It’s not something they’ve done before, so why start now? Best of luck with everything!
I should add (because I sounded whiney!) that since the new engineer has come on board the company, and well before that, actually…I’ve applied to several higher level positions. My first two years were spend in a Midwest location and the improvements I put in place were evident – I then decided on a cross-country move to another facility a year ago, one that was slated for multiple changes – new machinery, staffing increases, etc. The workload is incredible, the hours are long, but I’m making some headway. Knowing this “new” engineer was hired in at more than my current salary is a very strong motivator for me to start the process again to move to another facility or to a regional office.
I have 20+ years to go in my career and I’m not content to sit back and stay in the same position the entire time. Knowing she is making more money than me is a good reminder that where I go and what I make of my career is up to me – I have to be the one to stay motivated and to keep looking for the next step because no one is going to do it for me.
That’s just it, never settle if you don’t get what you want. I would work harder towards reaching your goals. Is it possible since they struggled to fill the role that they negotiated that salary with her? I know there are many metrics for Human Resources to follow in terms of compensation and where a role falls on the pay scale. I don’t know how your facility rates each role but you could always ask if you feel that your role is not being compensated fairly. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. Remember that the only way up is with a will, strength and determination. Sometimes we may get crushed but giving up only means you’ve given up on yourself. You can do it mate you have many years to conquer!! I hope you come back to tell me one day your positive work ethic took you to higher grounds!
Cheers
Comparing yourself to your peer group can have a useful short term gain if you are behind them and use that to motivate you to leapfrog, but ultimately it is better to use a more broad benchmark than your immediate peer group. Unless you want to be the big fish in the small pond.
I’ve been working at an engineering position for 3 years – no raises, pay freeze, etc., because it is quasi-government and times are tough They just hired a new person from “off the street” with no background at all in this line of work – in fact, she has an electrical engineering background and no experience with the industry. She is making over $2,000 more a year than me because they had a hard time filling the position (it went unfilled 11 months longer than my slot.)
Hard not to compare my abilities and skills to hers, and not feel just a bit p.o.’d over that.
Comparisons are a motivator for me. Not what I don’t have but what I can do.
Yes, and that is what it should be. For others it can be a way to complain, pick at, moan, get depressed over… when it shouldn’t. Cheers Mark
I agree! Comparisons help me to set goals for myself. Goals are the necessary stepping stones in achieving success.
I think that’s awesome and same here but as long as we look at them as positive reinforcement to motivate us to reach for our goals. Some people frown about it and compare themselves and they get angry at those that do become successful instead of working on their own goals. Nothing in life is free. CHeers mate
Thank you for the mention Mr CBB! You can only compare yourself to yourself, anything else would be pears to apples. If you can look back and say you have moved forward, based on YOUR scale of values, then it is all good. My mom is a teacher and she is grading papers most nights, and preparing lessons for the next day. During holidays she tutors kids for extra money because teachers don’t make a whole lot. I think she takes about a month off per year when the usual in France is 5 weeks. And teachers who teach for summer off aren’t to be looked down on either, they may have charity projects, personal projects, etc. that make them better people for having a summer off. You need to rest from the kids!
No kidding! Sometimes people can’t handle being around 1 or 3 kids let alone a full class but teachers do love the kids. Apples to pears is true, it makes no difference. It’s like trying to say your life is over because you aren’t as famous as Kim Kardashian for doing nothing but looking pretty. Comparisons, mean nothing but learning from those how they became successful (realistically) is a positive if used in good faith.
There is just no value in comparing financial numbers (except maybe some healthy competition). Everybody’s circumstances are different.
That’s true. It’s one thing to learn and be motivated another to sulk in misfortune.
I will not compare my financial life to others. However, I like to admire other people who are successful financially. I want to follow their foot step how they achieve huge fortune and wealthy living.
I think that’s a positive way to think of it.
Yes I’m guilty of this from time to time, although it never de-motivted me. Bummed me out, but I still kept going. I think it’s human nature to do this from time to time, but it truly is the enemy of happiness.
The key is to keep going. The moment we quit is the moment that all we do is ‘wish and dream’ we did something about it.
It is hard not to compare your numbers to others. I think it is easy to forget that you are the ones who are saving when everybody else has a bunch of stuff – and usually a bunch of debt too.
We all compare, it’s human nature but viewing the comparison in a negative light is what hurts. There’s no point doing it.
We raised three kids on one income….did we have everything others had?? No……did we have the debt load that others likely had??? Again… no. Sure there are things we could have done better but we did what we thought was right at the time. We went with what was important to us. Everyone has to figure out their own priorities. We don’t keep up with the Jones….they are likely in debt to their eyeballs. Sooner or later it will all catch up with them. I remember reading a cartoon years ago about keeping up with the Jones…..I’ll just wait and catch them on the way down. That works for me. I made my kids clothes when they were small, did it make me feel poor??? No… it was my way of providing for my family and an artistic outlet all in one. It took me a long time to figure out that what others thought of me wasn’t as important as what I thought of me…. That takes a certain maturity that some never get to. I am what I am. Deal with it….
That’s great Christine that you made all of your kids clothes, that’s talent. My wife kills plants and doesn’t know how to sew, I do all of that lol. It’s those talents that we learn from our parents or whoever that can help us down the road.
I love to read about people who are doing well because it inspires me to do better. Getting out of debt seemed impossible, but I read so many stories about people who did it that it became possible. Same thing with paying off a mortgage early, but now that is in my sights as well. You do have to be careful about comparing yourself to others. Sometimes those who seem like they have it all are financed to the hilt or really flat broke, like my cousin who recently passed away and left his wife with nothing because he blew their retirement. Make your own goals based on what you want, not what your neighbor has.
I think that learning from others successes is a great way to educate oneself about what they may or may not be doing. You must be so happy your mortgage is almost paid!
Nice post Mr. CBB! Thank you for the mention as well, I really appreciate it! I think you nailed it on the head when you say that success is in the eye of the beholder. I know it can be tempting to compare, we all do it, but at the end of the day you need to be happy with where you’re at in life. Sure, there might be many who might seem like they have it all when it really is just a shell.
It’s too easy to do and it’s not worth it. We all live in different areas and countries and we may have different types of housing, cost of living. There are so many variables that all we should worry about is what we have not anyone else.
Great post, Mr. CBB. It can be difficult when everyone else seems to be living a better life. And whether they really are – we believe it so we try to emulate it. The only life we need to focus on is our own. If more people understood this, maybe there wouldn’t be so much debt or trying to keep with the Joneses. Only we know what we want, so that’s we should work towards, rather than worry if our life is deemed important enough by others.
That’s true we emulate what “seems to be” not was is real or that we know is real. We found the best thing for us was to make sure we gave our finances a chance.
I have experienced that sense of de-motivation. I touched on that in a post called “So You Are Debt-Free, Where are the Granite Countertops?” Sometimes I look at friends who have houses tricked out with all the current niceties and feel behind the ball a bit. Then I remind myself that I could have those things if: I went back to work full-time, stopped contributing to our Roth IRAs, took out home-equity loans, had husband switch to a job where he wouldn’t be able to come home for dinner and take off work for kid’s school events. . . Then the laminate counters don’t look so bad!
http://healthfulsaver.com/2013/05/15/so-youre-debt-free-wheres-the-granite-countertops/
Yes, we go through the same when we see people with the big homes etc.. and just a small reminder that we enough money to pay our mortgage off means that waiting to renovate our home is worth the wait.
Thanks for the mention, Mr CBB!
This is definitely an issue that a lot of people struggle with, but for us, we tend to try and remember the negatives of scenarios that we might otherwise be jealous of.
A friend’s big beautiful house in a HOA neighborhood? Well, she has 2000 more square feet of living space to keep clean and is constantly complaining about the headaches from her HOA board. By contrast, our little 1100 sqft place seems pretty awesome by comparison. =).
We don’t have any kids so having a bigger home that what we already have is not worth it. Some of our friends have 5 bathrooms and a huge home and have to hire cleaners to keep up which costs even more money and they hardly use all the rooms in their home.
I had to mature enough to realize “stuff” doesn’t make me happy… it’s actually an inside job.
The more I focus on enjoying the current moment to the maximum that I am capable of, the happier I am. The happier I am, the more positive I become and the more positive that I become, the more I attract new and exciting people & opportunities into me life …. all the while I focus on enjoying the new, emerging, great moments that come to me as a result.
I have “stuff”, don’t we all? In fact, I have so much excess stuff that I am donating weekly to charity these days and probably will be for a long time to come… as I simplify what we choose to have on hand.
There is beauty in simplicity and joy from spending times with loved ones. Joy has never come to me from acquiring bigger and better. In fact my motto is that if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. That attitude has allowed me to enjoy whatever “stuff” I have without coveting my neighbor’s stuff. More importantly – I have the funds tucked away that I could have spent on getting bigger and better stuff. If we need to upgrade or replace some stuff, we will. But another thing to consider is – how many do you really need?
When my mother passed, I realized that she had her priorities straight! She had 4 day-to-day outfits, 1 fancy skirt and jacket suit, 1 “little black dress” and 1 dress for formal occasions. That’s it! Her attitude was that you only wear one outfit at a time and with a family of five, she did laundry twice a week. How many things did she really NEED?
When I get a case of the green eyed monster, and it can happen on occasion, I remember that advertising folks have worked very hard to ensure I feel a WANT that they prescribed for me as a means to earning their own wages. Then I get back to the business of focusing on my NEEDS and all is well. Happy & content in the moment am I! 😀
Great read! The more we come to appreciate the things we do have (or are really important to us), the happier we’ll be. While I can’t speak for everyone, it’s the family, friends and relationships that are the most rewarding to me. There’s many times I compared my life to others successes. I think that’s human nature. Heck, even seeing how quickly other blogs have grown, has got me a little jealous. Ha! Anyhow, thanks for sharing your story!
Blogs are especially hard not to compare. I think it might be because we have so many tools (money, page rank, alexa) for comparing our sites. Its hard to avoid it.
No, I haven’t. We’re either in better shape than most people we know or there’s no way we can match a few people we know. What motivates me are unexpected medical expenses (long story), but I still try to keep with my goal.s
Thanks so much for the mention! I hope that you’re having a great week!