Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Get an eye-opening look inside the world of private schools. Explore the effects of money and privilege on education and student interactions.
Money Was Never Part Of The Conversation
Private School: Yes, I attended, and it’s a different view from the inside. Money…..It was just something we never talked about.
We never had to talk about it, but it was everywhere.
It was a presence when I went to a public school filled with kids from the underprivileged mill community, and it was an even more giant monster at the private school I attended later on.
I’m not trying to paint with a broad brush and say that all private schools are like mine.
However, based on the famous novel “Prep” by Curtis Sittenfield and my experience, I can tell you that a lot of the time was spent grouping kids into the “Haves” and the “Have- Nots.”
Just An Everyday Type Of Private School Girl
My Dad was a successful optometrist, and we always had plenty, but not the wealth the kids at my school had.
You’d never find me wearing name-brand clothes with designer purses or glitzy vacations to ski resorts and yacht clubs.
I considered myself normal, lucky to have basic needs met and then some at school.
Guess which group I was in?
It wasn’t as blatant as I’m making it out to be.
However, I believe a lot of my insecurity in college came from those middle-school years being the new kid at a fancy private school and having to wear last year’s shoes.
I wasn’t alone.
Middle Class Private School Girls
Many kids came from middle-class families, and many who attended the school had parents who taught there and received tuition breaks.
It’s not like I was just one in a floating sea of wealthy youngsters.
It was something in my personality that made me want to try and compete.
At an early age, I surrounded myself with friends who had wealth and flaunted it, which made my soft heart so sensitive to our differences.
If I had gone to public school, I probably would have been able to have a better car, better clothes, and more travel opportunities.
Is Private School Worth The Money?
My parents were shelling out 20,000 dollars a year for a decent education for my brother and me.
The ultimate question is–Was the money worth it?
There were countless opportunities to develop my artistic talent, which I would not have gotten at the public school system in my town.
I learned from some of the best teachers and was truly prepared for college.
During my first year of college, I watched as some of my friends struggled with basic study skills and writing term papers after I had done that for four years.
I also made a great group of friends that I still keep in touch with, and I had a chorus and drama teacher who believed in me and fostered my talent.
I’m not an actor now, but I’m happy I had people who encouraged me to hunt down the dreams I had back then.
They taught me tenacity, which served me later on while I was finding my groove professionally.
This lesson was priceless and is something I will always be grateful for.
Fitting In A Financially Free World
In a roundabout way, I suppose I am saying the money was worth it, but being there gradually poked holes in my self-esteem, especially regarding money.
I shudder to think how much debt I’d have if they allowed middle-school girls to have credit cards. Perhaps they don’t for a reason.
I remember a dance in 7th grade, and I found a great top at Wal-Mart.
It was only $7.00, and my mother, who usually never bought me a top “just to wear to a party,” agreed since it was a great price.
I got dozens of compliments at the dance, but then when I (stupidly) confided in Amber in the bathroom where it came from.
I was excited everyone thought my top was an excellent find.
She wrinkled up her pretty nose in disgust at the information and told everyone I was wearing “Wal-Mart Clothes”.
Shamed, I called my Mom, went home early, and banished the top I loved to the back of my closet.
Not Being Rich Enough
My first year of High School a guy wouldn’t date me because he said it made his mother “nervous” I didn’t live on the most prestigious street in our neighborhood.
Like, really? Even if that wasn’t true, you could’ve just said I had bad breath.
I was a doctor’s daughter-and suddenly, I’m from the wrong side of the tracks?
I detail these anecdotes to give you some clue about how elitist and money-conscious some kids (and more likely their parents) were at my school.
Gossip Girl is a gross exaggeration of private school life, but the truth comes from somewhere and is very real.
There were pleasant times in school.
It’s just that the older you get, the more you tend to examine things through the lens of time.
Mainly since I now blog about finance and money in my life.
I have often wondered who I would be and what I would be doing if I hadn’t learned from such an early age that many people equate status with wealth and wealth with self-worth.
Money Wasn’t Part Of Parenting
My parents did their best, and they are not materialistic people, but when you are twelve or thirteen, you tend to listen more to what is happening in your social circle than what is happening at home.
Eventually, I got tired of trying to keep up with Mean Amber and quit the cheerleading squad.
I found solace in my quirky new friends from the theater department and received town-wide recognition for playing the lead role in the big musical we did each year.
While there, I poured my soul into the choir and drama departments.
It felt like I’d found a place where I was judged on my talents instead of how much my family made in a year.
I think I left a great legacy.
The Lesson Learned At Private School
Whenever I talk about my school days, my voice catches a bit.
I loved taking my boyfriend on campus and am so eager and proud to relive those days.
I’m thankful I attended, especially because now that I am older, I understand how much my parents sacrificed to send me there.
They thought it would give me an advantage they never had.
I’m not proud because it’s fancy, private, and has a hefty price tag.
Quite the opposite.
I’m proud of it because it is my school with many sweet memories.
Contribution By: Lauren Bee is a freelance writer living and working in Atlanta, Georgia. She is the creator of the popular personal finance blog “L Bee and the Money Tree.
My sister went to a private Catholic school for high school, but it was almost 100% middle class and scholarship students (including a lot of inner-city first-gen Latinas who took the train in). She got a really great education there– she’s the kind of person who does the minimum to get an A, and the min to get an A is much higher at that school than at the local public.
I think private schools have a lot to offer education wise-I know I got my moneys worth. I’m not so sure it did anything to teach me about life, finances, or self-esteem.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to guest post!
You’re welcome Lauren. It was a pleasure to work with you and have you share your story. Cheers Mr.CBB
Thank you for sharing your story with us. There are always going to be people with more than us & with it, financial prejudice. It certainly helps me realize that the more you have, the more you have to lose & for some people that brings out the need to kick others down so they can feel superior. Sad really but it tends to be the nouveau riche that are the worst…really old, centuries old, money in Europe has no need to prove anything. I had the chance to experience the class and privacy with which multi-billionaires move. There’s no need to criticize, no need to flaunt, no need to even express their wealth – it simply is. Never was I made to feel less than because with true acceptance of their station in life, there is no need to go on the attack to defend something never in question – they have more and always will.
I agree-all of the multi-million dollar men I worked for on wall street often wore clothes from the Gap and were really down to earth. Looking back I find it so funny that as children we were so classist.
Great post! I remember the mean girls from my middle school making fun of me because one of them had donated the top I was wearing. I didn’t care-it was a nice top but it was kind of weird to be wearing the top that a classmate I didn’t like had donated. I eventually got over it but it took a while.
Oh goodness. I would probably never have come to school if that had happened to me. You are a much braver person than I!
Thanks for the great post! I see this day in and day out. I work in a public highschool that has vocational students and IB students. It’s quite a mix. Even among each education level there are still “have” and “have nots”. I hope we help to make our students able to handle their financial future. 🙂
I think uniforms should be mandatory at all schools. It would help to allieviate some of the stress that brands can create among kids.
I went to Catholic school growing up, Lauren, but the uniforms didn’t help alleviate any stress…at least for me! I’ve been 5’8″ since 7th grade, so I always had these long legs that used to resemble those of the feathered variety. I got made fun of for that, and wished I could have just worn jeans in the winter…like other normal kids. I was also only one of 3 brunettes in my entire grade. It was like Village Of The Damned; everyone had blonde hair, blue eyes, and tons of money. My parents weren’t rich at all, and I only recently began considering the giant sacrifice they must have made to send me to a good school. Thanks for your post! I really enjoyed it….takes me back a bit. 🙂
-M
Thank you for your thoughtful comment on this post. It’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one feeling insecure and left out, even if this comfort does come some 13 years later. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. It is interesting to see that some things seem quite similar between public and private schools. Looks like kids still judge others based on money and social status regardless of what kind of school you go to. I remember as a pre-teen going with my dad to K-mart or Bi-ways to shop for clothes. As a child it was embarrassing but it was what my dad could afford being a single parent with 4 kids. Didn’t understand it then, but sure understand now. Was nice to hear your point of view. Thanks
Thank you for your reply! It is interesting that this happens in public schools too-I thought it was just my uber-rich classmates who were being elitist. It almost makes me sad how embarassing it all was at the time and now it seems unimportant.
Great post! I never went to private school, or knew anyone that did until I got to University. I will say that when I was in my first year of my Bachelor’s, the kids who had gone to private school definitely were more ready for the grind of first year.
What did you notice that was different about how they were prepared compared to yourself or others? Do you think the public system could do a better job preparing students? How?
Interesting read!! The school system in the USA is so warped. It’s sad that you have to pay for private school to get a decent education — it’s really not fair to those who cannot afford it. Sounds like you turned out alright 😉 and I bet the Walmart shirt was AWESOME.