Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Find out how money fights and money problems can strain relationships. Learn strategies for addressing financial conflicts and strengthening your bond.
Money Fights And Money Problems
It’s been said that “money fights and money problems” are one of the top causes of divorce.
As someone who went through a divorce myself, I can tell you those things are very stressful — especially if you have problems with debt, overspending, income, or even just very different points of view about how money should be handled in general.
Yet, I don’t believe that relationships fail because of money issues.
Instead, I think money fights and money problems are more often symptoms of something deeper that may be wrong within the relationship — especially when they happen regularly.
Let’s look at budgeting, for example.
If one partner is really into creating a detailed budget, and the other nods and smiles and agrees to the budget but then refuses to follow it, in reality, month after month, you’ve got a problem. And it’s not about the budget.
The one who blew the budget justifies their actions maybe by stating that the budget is too strict or by accusing the other person of trying to control them.
However, the one stuck to the budget feels betrayed, exasperated, or like they must treat the other person like a child to get ahead financially.
Root Of The Problem
In the budgeting example, you’d want to examine why the budget isn’t followed.
Consider Asking These Types Of Questions
- Is it too strict, or is one partner trying to control the other?
- Or is there a disconnect with reality? (For example, expecting a family of four to get by on $100 a month in groceries.)
- Or is it a failure to be responsible?
- A lack of respect? A lack of information?
- Did one person grow up poor while the other didn’t?
- Is it something more simple, such as not having a way to track your spending?
It could be any number of things, but you won’t know unless and until you dig deeper. Brainstorm together to find out.
Eliminate The Real Problem
That solution could mean anything from a simple fix to marriage or individual counseling.
Sometimes, the problem is temporary (such as a job loss) or something difficult but obvious.
For example, suppose you’re out of work, and it’s (understandably) causing stress to your marriage because your household income is reduced.
In that case, it can help to recognize the problem’s temporary nature or find ways to bring in additional revenue. (Perhaps by changing careers or starting a small business.)
On the other hand, if someone’s got a gambling problem and they’re secretly running up credit cards and wiping the bank account clean, they’ve got to get help.
And you’ve got to take measures to protect yourself financially in the meantime, such as setting up accounts that you can only access.
Moving Forward In Your Relationship
Regardless of the money problem you may be facing, remember to go beyond the surface issues to get at the root cause and take the steps necessary to fix it.
Money CAN be a helpful tool that brings joy to your relationship.
Working together and being on the same page can do wonders.
Post Contribution Bio: Jackie Beck has written about personal finance and goals since 2006. She started The Debt Myth because she’s passionate about getting out of debt and helping others who want to do the same.