Relationships

Why a healthy relationship takes more than just money

Mansion Healthy Relationship(1)

LOVE IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS

 

A healthy relationship based on true love takes work, mistakes and lots of glue to keep it together no matter how wealthy a couple is.

The misconception that couple’s who live a stress free, debt-free money induced lifestyle must be happy is so far gone it’s a shame that people put so much weight on money and love.

Hollywood is a classic example of how being rich isn’t everything, pre-nups are. Every month some A-lister or ‘successful someone’ is getting divorced and guess what… they have money.

I know people who feel they are not good enough for love because they aren’t rich, don’t have successful careers or fit the role of supermodel. Forget all that crap, would you. It’s one thing to lead a motivated life but it’s another to focus so much on what you do want that you may miss opportunities.

Sure, you don’t have to settle because finding the ideal partner is important but don’t let a list of “must-have’s” consume you unless you don’t mind being single forever or in a relationship based on what you believe is a healthy relationship.

Have you heard this before?

It must be nice living the dream. They are so lucky they can travel wherever they want, have fancy cars, a big house, buy the latest styles and decor etc. I wish I was that successful couple, they look so happy together. Some might call this, jealousy.

But are they really happy because they are Rich?

Healthy relationships are like vehicles, sure they may need money to keep the vehicle running but without love and proper maintenance your healthy vehicle will just fall apart.

Off to the mechanic you go or marriage counsellor, if that will even work to try and save a relationship. Unlike the vehicle though you can’t buy parts to put a relationship back together but you can change.

Most times counselling is just a bashing match just to say that a couple gave it their best shot before retiring to the lawyer.

Sadly too many people put MONEY on the table as the most important part of what they believe is a healthy relationship or even why they might pursue one in the first place.

Why do so many people think that people who have money are happy?

Sometimes I believe it’s because they think that if they were rich life would be easy and less stressful. People who crave the success of those that are well-off financially forget that people who have money are human too.

Money doesn’t make a relationship stay together. It never will. It may last a month, a year, two years even five but eventually the real person hiding behind the dollar signs will come out and show their ugly face as the stages of a relationship progress.

What is a healthy vs unhealthy relationship?

I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to understand the difference however sometimes we don’t see how unhealthy a relationship truly is until we are so far into it where many feel trapped. Most times it doesn’t begin unhealthy it blossoms into something most couples never dream.

This is a reason couple’s fight (I’m not talking about every day boring fights like you didn’t do the laundry fights, I mean full on duck your head a flower vase is coming you way type of fights. There is no laughing undertone there either, it’s a serious issue.

You may even find some people have extra marital affairs, communication issues and a full breakdown of the relationship. All it takes is someone new to come around to get the love juices flowing and a relationship is in potential danger.

Sometimes all it takes is ONE KISS!

Oddly enough once the amazing sexual tension wears off couples start to see the clear picture. So, money and sex may be part of a healthy relationship but it’s only a small component. We do have to eat and pay the bills which takes money.

It’s when we crave one aspect more than anything and forget about what a healthy relationship truly means. Most often it’s money that takes center stage because some people equate having money as being safe from money problems.

Divorce rates are just as prevalent among the wealthy as they are for everyone else. You can’t buy love and once a relationship has hit that turning point where the mushy love is missing things start to go wrong.

Never stop doing the little things, it doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

Characteristics of a healthy relationship

 

I’m no relationship doctor but in my heart I know what true love and a healthy relationship feels and looks like for ME. See, a healthy relationship can take on different roles depending on the couple but the one thing we all know is money will NEVER keep a couple together.

How to make a relationship work…you work together.

  • Love and lots of it
  • Friendship
  • Kissing and lots of it
  • Common goals
  • Excellent communication skills
  • Teamwork
  • Patience
  • Believe in and motivate each others dreams
  • Helps each other out when needed

This list is just my list and I’m sure right now you are naming off many other things you think should be added to the list.

What you should do then is, make your own list and keep it somewhere you can check it often. You may even want to share your list with your spouse or ask them to make their own list and compare.

You don’t see money on my list because money is nice to have and can always be earned but it doesn’t make or break how love enters my heart.

What would concern me more is how much debt a potential partner has more than how much money they had in the bank.

 

Healthy Relationship and Money

 

Friends of ours are going through a divorce and once everyone finds out I’m sure their jaws will drop. Not that it’s anyone’s business.

Just about everyone we know thought they were the perfect couple. No one ever saw them argue and smiles were never hard to find when they were in your company.

Every summer they would invite friends over to their house for a backyard pool party and the food and alcohol was always flowing free along with the jazzed up landscaping and outside furniture. They were living the dream, so everyone thought.

Most people when they made way to their house for the first time wanted the grand tour. It wasn’t uncommon for people to be amazed at how much money was invested into the home because it’s clearly apparent by all the high-end furniture, appliances and finishes.

Money was no object and this couple renovated their home sparing none of the detail. Even the outside was a paradise adorned with a full fireplace, bar and outdoor kitchen, pool, hot tub, extensive lightening and immaculate grounds.

The husband is a successful doctor and business owner where the wife she would stay at home to work on her interior decorating hobby. Anything she wanted to do she did which included weekend getaways to New York with her girlfriends which she would pay the bill for.

She has lots of friends as you can imagine. Not many people can say they know what true friendship is when money is part of the equation. Same goes for love. Some people just see a “better life” and they are willing to forgo their happiness for the money and lifestyle.

He was no different with the guys weekend away to Las Vegas, golfing and who knows what else. Ya, what happens in Vegas…. bla bla bla.

 

In love with two women

 

Only 7 years into the marriage and they are filing for divorce because he said they are not happy. I asked him what he meant by that because in my head I’m thinking his life on the outside looks frosted. Something is happening behind closed doors that just isn’t working.

He met his wife through a friend after he left a woman who he was madly in love with. For whatever reason they could not be together as the timing was not right.

He told me he has never stopped loving her even though he tried to forget her. It’s taken its toll on him emotionally and his wife is paying the price because he is not being the husband he should be to her. He doesn’t communicate with his ex but she’s in his circle of friends and on his mind.

What if this, what if that? Lots of questions. Some people would say leave the past in the past and others say maybe she’s on your mind for a reason.

He is also in love with his wife and the feelings of being in love with two women is too much for him to handle. As odd as it sounds some open relationships do work but there seems to be more to this tango we don’t know. I know I’m nosey BUT I’m not that nosey.

There’s no written relationship rules that says you can’t be in-love with two people at the same time. It sure is possible IF you allow it. Who has time for that stuff anyways… it’s hard enough with one wife! All joking aside it’s easy to love but hard to let go of what is not right for your current situation.

Just when you thought money could buy you love you take a deep breath and realize that money only gets you what you want in the moment but that doesn’t mean it will last forever.

Once you take away the money and put two people in a room together all you have is a couple who either love each other or they don’t.

I feel sad for our friends but at the same time I want them to be happy. There’s nothing anyone can do but take a step back and realize that a healthy relationship takes two people committed to a life together. Money is just a bonus!

What are the characteristics of a healthy relationship for you?

-Mr.CBB

Are You New To Canadian Budget Binder?

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Photo Credit: Freedigitalphotos.net/DavidCastillo

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2 Comments

  1. I totally agree with you: Having lots of money doesn’t equal lots of happiness. I love your characteristics of a happy marriage. I have learned lots after being married for almost 6 year, one of the biggest ones that you mentioned is BEING FRIENDLY TO ONE ANOTHER!!!! So simple, but it goes such a long way. If you treat your spouse like your best friend and have an optimistic outlook on life, then you can resolve most problems easily. I read somewhere that couples fight up to 80% more after having a child. I have found that remembering that my husband is on the same team as I am really helps since having our little man. He wants the best for all of us! Great article!

  2. I tell people all the time that you really don’t know what is going on behind closed doors, and this scenario is a perfect example. I believe money can make you real comfortable and buy quick moments of happiness, but if you don’t have someone special in your life to share it with, it can get old really quick. Having loads of money also brings along a different kind of stress that some people are not able to mentally handle.

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