What Most Women Want In A Man… and It’s Not Always Money $

 

 

 

Have you ever met a couple and thought, “why is he with her” or “why is she with him” because I haven’t and that’s because I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Frankly I don’t care why other people want to date each other, to each their own.  Remember that movie, “What Women Want” in 2008 starring Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson? Yes, Mrs. CBB had me watch it along with every Twilight movie going. Did I mention I was a fan of the Young and The Restless, all her doing.

Well it’s true women just don’t want men with a big bank account because money can be earned and saved. Women want more than just a hot body, money and a man who can go all night in the bedroom. They want a gentleman with brains who knows how to treat her right but also has goals in life.

Money can be earned, that’s right and more women today are independent and don’t need cowboy money which I think is sexy. You will be surprised how many women think frugal men are sexy but that’s because they understand the point that money doesn’t grow on trees. Then again being upfront about finance when the relationship gets serious opens up an entirely different decision one would have to make and that’s whether to take on the burden of someone else’s debts. Money fights and Money problems are what tear relationships apart so there is no time to be shy when moving to the next level in a relationship.

If you go after someone just for the money or status you WILL be disappointed when you desire the love and closeness and it’s nowhere to be found. There are men and women who will continue dating someone just to live in the lap of luxury. They want the wining and dining and frosting all around them, it makes them feel special. There are also men who think that women are falling off the earth and they had better start whipping out the money to see who the takers are. When a man gets desperate sadly anything is possible.

We have a mate who moved to the USA, in his 30′s and is dating a women in her 50′s ONLY because she has lots of money. He has no love for her but just wants everything plopped in his lap, no effort required. I’m sure we all know someone like that and again..I hope there is a prenuptial if they get married.

I’m not going to lie and say everything about dating can be frugal because there is a fine line about love and happiness and being cheap/frugal in the lovey-dovey stages. Crikey I flew back and forth to Canada and brought my wife all over the UK and it cost me a pretty penny but it was worth it. I wasn’t buying her jewellery, clothes, perfumes or taking her out for expensive dinners. I was simply spending time with her doing something we both love and that’s being together.

If you are a saver and live by the budget like we do you still need to leave room for entertainment especially if you are single but more importantly if you’re married. I think it’s important to be yourself when dating so the other person knows what they are getting themselves into. I also don’t think you need to take your date to MacDonald’s unless she’s the one who suggests it. If she has a hankering for a Big Mac then by all means be a gentleman and open the door for her and make sure that you pay. Perhaps you could also suggest a posher restaurant and see if that peaks her interest as long as it’s with-in your budget.

When I hear my mates complain about how much money it’s costing them to date women and then they never hear from them again, I laugh. I can’t stop to wonder if they actually think about why these women are not wanting any more from them than a shag (if that). Hey I’m just being real, it happens… where’s the smush room? How do I know this? Well men tend to talk more about women they don’t have feelings for than they do for women they do have feelings for. That’s how we know one of our mates is going to go missing for a bit down the vibrant road called dating if he goes all silent on us. Not all men and women are looking for love they simply are on the pull for anyone who is up for it. If men have no intention to want more from a woman then why do they bother dating them and then complain about how high maintenance they are and draining them of cash flow?

Image via CrunchBase

So, how do men get from point A (seeing a woman they are interested in) to point B (dating her)?

Well for the men that are shy they have their wing man but for those men that aren’t shy like me they go it alone like a prince calling for his lady (ya right but something like that). It’s also common now for men and women to find love by trying out some of the best on-line dating sites such as E-Harmony or Plenty of Fish which is a free dating site! It tends to be easier to be yourself behind a screen while getting to know someone all the while costing you nothing until you ask her on a date. People who say online dating services are rubbish make me laugh because if you think meeting someone in a bar or grocery store is any different you are sadly mistaken. If you don’t know my name I can be whoever I want to be wherever I am. Then there are all the rich men on millionaire matchmaker who can’t find the right one so they hire someone to do it.

Moving forward, I’m no hitch but I certainly feel like it sometimes as my mates can be real tossers in the dating department. I guess I’m what they call a wing man but not by definition as I think it’s silly. I’m typically the inside guy or the support system for my mates and I don’t disrespect women or try to fool them into believing something that is not real, heck I’m married. Although I do think the British accent and physique get in the way of the purpose of my “wing man” role and that is to lead the women to my mates. Yes I’ve been fired on more than one occasion and kicked out ha!

Sometimes men think money is the only way to a woman’s heart and they are so wrong unless they find the women who are looking for men to spend. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but it’s not only what’s on the outside it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Somehow, many people tend to forget this and pay for it down the road with costly divorce battles.

You would think a man would be able to chat up a woman easily but in reality it’s not as easy as you may think. It’s not just the men who have the wing men either the women have their group leader as well, I kid you not. Mrs. CBB has told me plenty of stories about what happens behind closed doors (you women are all smiling because you know it’s true). Who says the rest room is still not called “the office”, the fonze had it right and it’s no exception today.

So when my mates go on about the amount of money they spend on women who never come back I have to ask them these questions depending on the stage of the dating rigamarole….

  • Do you want to be in a real relationship?
  • What are your goals?
  • What do you want from a woman?
  • Are you happy where you are in your life and career?
  • What were you attracted to when you noticed her?
  • Did you offer to purchase her a beverage?
  • Did you chat her up?
  • Did you compliment her? Did you make her feel special?
  • Were you romantic?
  • Did you look her in the eyes or were you more interested in strawberry creams?
  • Did you act clingy?
  • Did you talk about your exes?
  • Did you genuinely want to get to know her more or just shag her?

Sometimes men can be right plonkers when it comes to women and dating but need to remember that who you claim to be should be who you really are. We forget that it has to be more than just physical attractiveness that draws us to life long partners.

In all reality men and women are very different and money in relationships is a big issue. If you try to be someone you are not when you meet someone eventually the real you will come out. Whether you are a saver or a spender eventually talking about it with a potential partner is very important. You don’t need to be cheap when dating, just use your brains and be creative. Women only want to be loved and appreciated just like the next guy, after all money can be made yet love is serendipity.

When you and your spouse/partner were dating what did you really want?

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Photo Credit: Copyright (c) <a href=’http://www.123rf.com’>123RF Stock Photos</a>

 

Mr. CBB
I’m from the UK and now a recent permanent resident in Canada. I bought my first house at the age of 21 after University then my second at the age of 24. I’ve always been fascinated with personal finance, savings, learning to make money and watch it grow while combating debts along the way. Canadian Budget Binder is a place where I get to share my experiences with personal finance and learn about yours along the way. I hope you stick around and check me out on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest where I am active on all social media sites. Cheers, Mr.CBB
Mr. CBB
Mr. CBB

Comments

  1. Mary F Campbell says:

    Great article! I went out in the dating world with a sort list of personality traits I was looking for. The one that sealed the deal was when he stepped up and took the reins when I needed him to. Knowing I could count on him in good times and bad…had me sold!

  2. Great article :-)
    My hubby and I met on plentyoffish.com!
    I really enjoyed this sentence…”Well men tend to talk more about women they don’t have feelings for than they do for women they do have feelings for.” I’ve never thought about it before but it is sooooo true! lol
    When Ken and I were dating, what did I really want? That’s a great question…I was looking for someone with a lot of qualities opposite to my ex husband for one. Someone that made me laugh, was affectionate, respectful, liked my family…none really had to do with money when I think about it lol.

    • I totally forgot about you and Ken on POF.. I might have to get you to share your story here if you are up for it…. what do you think? Let me know what you think…. and yes men talk but not about the one’s they care about… off limits!

  3. Love your article. i love when a man cooks for me. It doesn’t have to be fancy just good. The effort that was taken is what counts. After 39 years of marriage, I still love when my husband brings me home something not for any reason than just because he knew that I would like it be it a cupcake or a funny card or book. It also goes both ways. Letting him know that he is special in your eyes is essential for any relationship.

    • Funny you mention that because Mrs.CBB and I were talking about that last night. Coming out of Metro we noticed a father with his young daughter around 3 who had a huge bouquet of flowers in her hands. She could hardly see where she was going so we chuckled but realized that he was likely bringing them home to his wife and that was sweet.

  4. If you are looking for money, don’t marry a teacher! I dated every wrong guy for a long time. When you find the right one, I think you just know. My mother made sure my sister and I got an education so we could support ourselves. The thought of dating or marrying for money never crossed my mind.

    • I was the same way. It was more important for me to be independant and support myself same with Mrs.CBB and maybe that’s why we get on so well. The hard part is when people depend on someone for the money. An education is one of the most important..after you land your job and make the money then worry about love although when I moved to Canada my University credentials needed to be challenged here and I said stuff it and went back again for another round of 5 years…. but worth it because now I have new skills that will be with me forever and that are sought after all over Canada!! Cheers Mr.CBB

  5. I dated the wrong guy for almost 6 years, so when I met my current fiance, we were friends for a while. I had gotten out of the other relationship a few months prior and happend to meet my fiance online. We played a mutual game and didn’t know the other’s gender for a while. We were friends first and foremost!

    • Isn’t it nice to just be you in and then it blosoms into something else. That’s what Mrs.CBB and I were like and it’s been a VERY Happy Marriage and we do want to grow old together. Life is too short to mess about. I’m here to see the world while I can and spend it with someone who wants to be with me and I want to be with her. Sure I have women always flirting with me but it’s not because of knowing who I am they just see the outside of me and love my accent. That means nothing to me.. it’s what’s inside that counts. Cheers Mr.CBB

  6. I’ve never dated anybody for their money. In-fact I was the spender when I starting dating my wife and she was EXTREMELY frugal. In hindsight it was a huge blessing as I really didn’t and don’t have to spend money on her to make her happy. I never understand why people only chase money…it’s not going to end well (typically).

    • Same here with Mrs.CBB she doesn’t want flowers or chocolates in fact if I come home with them she will tell me to bring them back lol. Money does not create love, love creates love… but some people keep the blinders on until it’s too late. Cheers Mr.CBB

  7. I think when we say “I can’t believe they are dating so and so,” it’s because one of them is mistreating the other…being controlling, etc. Anyway, I could never date a guy for just his money. In fact if a guy was to “showy” with his money, it would be a turnoff for me, just as someone would be if they were “cheap” (not frugal-big difference). I’m still single, and I think part of the reason is I’ve given no energy whatsoever to dating. I’ve been way too focused on my getting my career/finances to a place that makes me feel comfortable. Sad but true. I have had my crushes, but they haven’t turned out anything yet. Still hoping someday….

    • I think every person has their own definition of love and what it means to them and why they do what they do. Nothing is wrong unless it impacts your life in such a way that you are personally affected in a negative way. Keep on doing what you are doing if that’s what makes you happy. There is nothing wrong with focusing on career and finance if those are your goals. Cheers and thanks for dropping in mate! Mr.CBB

    • I don’t know. I’ve looked at two people before and thought, hey, she’s way too hot for him. Wonder what shade of crazy she is? But that’s mean. Even though it’s true. Mildly ashamed, here.

      Thanks for writing this article. It seems like on PF blogs a lot of times people talk about why women want your money or how to get enough money to have a healthy relationship. I can’t attest for the entire female race, but I can tell you that personally, my romantic relationships have never, ever been about finances. Maybe that’s dumb of me, but I consider romance and bank accounts to be two entirely separate parts of reality; I’d take love over an easy life with someone I was apathetic towards any day of the week.

      • At the end of the day it’s what you feel in your heart and what your goals are in life. Everyone will be different and that’s why I did the post. Not all women are after money..at least mine wasn’t! Cheers Mr.CBB

  8. John S @ Frugal Rules says:

    Great post! My wife was similar when we dated, she’d always want me not to spend a lot of money. She was looking for creativity & spontaneity. Thankfully, after a while I finally got that through my thick skull and the rest is history as they say. :)

    • Yep, I go through that all the time but that’s ok we are on the same financial path and we both get it. That’s what’s more important. I’m not too concerned that my wife doesn’t want to spend $100 a month at the hair salon either. Cheers Mr.CBB

  9. I totally think being frugal is an attractive quality in a man, because it means he values money and won’t blow it if start to share our finances.

  10. My husband and I still have sparks after 23 years that being said I love how handy, resourceful and talented he is…..I’m a cheap date and he’s just the guy to take me out. We both love having scrambled eggs for dinner but we know when its important to buy a nice bottle of wine and splurge a little too when appropriate. He likes that I’m good at packing lunches and making homemade detergent and I like that he finds wood on the side of the road and builds me shelves its a good match for us….however it would not work if we both needed the other to shower each other with gifts to feel good we are just not hard wired that way.

  11. My first date with my wife was a wallet saving picnic in the park while painting landscapes. It was completely unintentional. I’ve always tried to do things that aren’t the “usual” kind of dates. Luckily, it often involves little use of money.

  12. My step-mom has always said that “if you marry for money, you’ll end up earning it,” and I think she’s right. Money’s a big part of successful relationship building but it shouldn’t be the starting point.

    Truth is that after 31 years of marriage, my dating days are a distant (but fond) memory. I do remember that what drew me to my husband was his generosity of spirit (which means kindness, compassion, and empathy, not an open wallet!), his sense of fun, and his enthusiasm for life.

    What I’ve learned in the ensuing years of my marriage is that love may be what starts a marriage but, in the long run, what keeps it going is pragmatism. You have to accept that there are going to be times when you and your partner are headed in different directions…and be willing to work through them, times when you really won’t like each other…and be willing to work through them, times when you’re ill, or tired, or discouraged, or angry…and be willing to work through them. You also both need to recognize that marriage is a business partnership and that, like every other kind of business partnership, you need to set, revisit, and frequently discuss your goals in order to succeed.

    • Well said Beth… I couldn’t have said it better but it is true. Those that go after money will work for it. Sounds like you and your husband have learned what works and doesn’t and what you both need to do to keep that business partnership alive. Good For you.

  13. I really found this specific blog , “What Most Women Want In A Man… and It’s Not Always
    Money $ « Canadian Budget Binder”, exceptionally entertaining
    and the post was in fact a wonderful read. Thanks,Bessie

  14. Cynthia says:

    My hubby had a really good job, house, vehicle, lots of big boy toys when we got together. Then he got super sick when we were together less than a year, operations followed and he lost the job, the house and the extra toys ( kept the vehicle) bankruptcy followed. Love stayed. I had a job, house and vehicle of my own, so we made it together. His health returned. We stayed together because we were on the same page, worked as a team, had honest communication and loved each other.

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