IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD YOU FIRST HAVE TO FIND YOUR PATH UNASSISTED BY OTHERS WEALTH.
My wife and I were having this conversation the other day about someone we know who is beautiful, smart, successful and single. She confided in my wife that when she finds her true soul mate she will know, which is why she would never settle for the possibility of love.
I can understand how she feels because we all want to get love right. Fair enough I thought because there are plenty of single women who don’t want to jump into a relationship with just anyone. It has to be the right moment, the right attitude, the right feeling, the right everything so that the pieces fall into place.
What I didn’t know was that she had a past which was a dark time for her but now she’s living a new life. When I asked my wife why her friend seemed so strong with a “don’t come near me” type of aura about her I was expecting her response. She looked at me in the eyes and said that she was once in an abusive marriage where she felt stuck because the guy had money and she allowed him to manipulate her.
She was only 23 when she met him and they got married when she turned 24 and finished University to which she never used her degree. It took her 3 years to break free from her abusive relationship where she was forced to live by rules that most housewives would never dream of. He started out as the perfect muscular wealthy husband that all the women desired but soon showed his true colours when the silence of the moon was staring down on them.
From A Controlled Life to An Independent Woman
She disclosed to my wife that there was a time when her ex-husband told her that if she doesn’t like living with him then she could leave. He went on to say that he would make sure that she would get nothing and he’d fight her with the best lawyers he could find. He was a real a$$ by the sounds of it. Apparently she signed a pre-nup which I’m betting he forced her into because he knew the way he was with women.
Most people who are attracted to money first and their partner second only find our later that they are in a miserable relationship soon wanting a divorce or they stick around and live a lonely life. She was verbally and physically abused and hardly ever went out with friends unless it was with him to fancy parties for his business.
He took her shopping and told her what she had to wear, how to get her hair done, what colour it had to be and so on. She did get everything she wanted apart from a man who loved her as much as she thought she loved him.
It’s easy to get caught up in a world filled with people and money.
There was one occasion my wife questioned her about a bruised face while they were on Skype only to learn that he accidentally elbowed her but that she was fine. My wife urged her to get help but she said that it was her fault and besides the police would never believe her. It’s hard being a friend and not knowing what to do. Sometimes all you can do is pray that they break-free from a difficult situation and don’t end up injured or even dead.
I watch lots of documentaries and the more I listened to my wife talk the more I felt I could turn this into an award-winning film. You know the jaw-dropping documentary where you can’t believe what some people are capable of. Ya that’s this jerk.
He was essentially a control freak because he generated the money in the family and he thought she was there for the ride. I’m guessing his mentality was that I’m the guy with the cash and you’re my bitch so you have to do what I say or you can carry your poor ass out the door.
As harsh as that sounds that’s reality which many people go through in controlling relationships where one partner is the sole bread-winner or earns more money. In this situation from what we understand millions of dollars was involved with lots being sunk into the business. Life on the other side of the financial fence is not always as glamorous as everyone thinks. If you watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians you know what behind the scenes of the rich and famous can be like, chaos.
Just because you see many of these women parade around in high-priced attire, fancy cars and buying whatever they want doesn’t mean there are smiles behind closed doors. Money is often the cover-up for unhappiness which is hard to break-free from especially when you are told you will amount to nothing and never ever live in luxury again if you leave.
Boy did she prove him wrong.
Take the steps you need to become happy
When she did finally have the strength to walk away from her flush lifestyle it took her a couple of years to get back on her feet. She wanted nothing to do with her ex-husband and managed to divorce him quickly so she could fade away into the sunset without a trace.
You would think she’d be financially set since he was in the money but she didn’t want a dime from him. She was so damaged that she just wanted out of the relationship and to erase all memories. She’s certainly not alone as scores of men and women who are in abusive relationships just want release and a place to feel safe.
She moved to Ontario when she was just 30 from British Columbia with $25,000 in the bank to start a new beginning where nobody knew her name except for my wife. In and around 7-8 years she managed to attend school for a second time to become Dentist and is successful. Although she is close to 40 years old and single with no kids she wants to become a wife and mother now that she is finally an independent woman who can stand on her own two feet.
She told my wife that she wishes that she would have worried about her own needs and had more faith in her ability to graduate in a program that would give her the freedom she craved. After she divorced she was on a mission to become an independent woman where no man’s money would ever excite her.
She didn’t want money to interfere with dating or meeting men whether they had money or not. The most important part of becoming and independent woman meant that in the event a relationship did break-down she was perfectly fine financially. She couldn’t stress enough her happiness of being an independent woman to my wife over a latte at Starbucks last week while catching up.
Sometimes being strong means taking control of what you want from life
When I met Mrs. CBB she was the same as her friend in that she was career oriented and proud to be an independent woman who covered all of her bases, especially finance. My wife was not broke when I met her but she was ready for a career change and went back to University. She graduated and landed a job earning a good income for a new grad only to be laid off in a massive restructure months later.
In those few months Mrs. CBB had her own office, a senior level title and a team of over 100 people to look after. She was now that independent woman that she dreamed of and was able to let down her guard because she now had skills that were in demand. Boy, was she lucky, we were lucky.
It was hard for me to adjust to being with a woman who made good money when I wasn’t even working nor was I enrolled in school yet. I’m the male version of the independent woman because I never wanted to depend on anyone for money. It made more sense for me to rely on myself financially and it felt good when I was living in the UK but not in Canada where everything was foreign to me. I knew I had to get it right and fast for my sanity.
These days my wife stays home with our son and I work in a career that I love and will likely work in until I can no longer work. It took me years of school and training but in the end I’m free from my inner-guilt of not being a husband earning a good living because that is who I am.
When I asked my wife how she felt after she became the independent woman in a career that she loved she happily responded, “There’s no greater freedom then being able to stand on your own two feet” and she’s right. Now that I’m moving up the career ranks it feels good to know that I have secured an education that will take me places in life. I don’t feel burdened about financial security as much as I did when I moved to Canada.
My wife is a full-time stay-at-home mom now and has adjusted her way of thinking because of our son. She now realizes that anything could happen and no one is safe from the demons of divorce, job loss or health issues. The independent woman always lurks with-in her because once you’ve got the success bug it stays with you forever.
Although she won’t go back to work for long-term health-related reasons she knows that for that one period in her life she was able to experience the dream of being free to soar with confidence and success. Overall, what we both learned from our conversation was that it’s not just the independent woman who strives to become financially successful as many men equally desire the same feeling.
Money does buy love but it won’t buy you the freedom you’ll need if everything falls apart with your life.
What does being an independent woman or man mean to you? Do you ever worry about what you would do if your marriage or relationship fell apart? Would you be financially independent?
Share your thoughts below. If you have any personal experiences to share I’d love to hear about them.
CBB Insider Weekly
This week was filled with rainy days that kept us indoors most of the time. I did spend some time mowing the lawn when the sun came out to play but that was short-lived. While outside I decided I might as well get cleaning up the basil plants for the season. I still need to sort out the back garden but I need some sun to dry up what needs to come indoors to prevent mold while in storage.
This week the little guy had a bit of a fall in the living room which startled him and caused a bloody nose. He wasn’t too shocked by the blood and once we put a plaster (band-aid) on his nose it seemed to make everything better. Little guy loves the medical attention and needs a plaster for everything.
He’s at that stage where he’s jumping around constantly. On a good note he knows how to say the alphabet, recognize the alphabet, knows his numbers 1-15 and basic colours. I’m starting to teach him on the chalkboard how to spell the letters and numbers now and he loves it. Soon enough he’ll be ready for fractions!
Halloween is next week and our son finally has his costume which we bought from Kijiji for $10. We also have our chocolate bars and granola bars ready but we’re not sure what to get for the children with allergies yet. Any suggestions would be great. Painting our pumpkin teal is on the to-do list to alert kids and parents that we have something for the ghosts and goblins with allergies.
I’m not dressing up for Halloween yet as far as I know but watch out on my Facebook page for a cool post coming up on Sunday for those of you with an Iphone.
That’s all my fun this week, how was your week?
Awesome posts I published this week
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Top Post This Week: How to make money fast without going crazy
- 5 Vital Personal Budget Audit Questions To Consider
- 5 Supermarket Annoyances That Cause You To Spend More Money
- Low Carb LCHF Lemon Cream Cheese Pound Cake
Making a difference (MAD)
Welcome to the 2016 Making A Difference series! Join the networking movement of Personal Finance Bloggers around the world. If you are a personal finance blogger and would like your blog to be featured simply drop me an email.
I’m currently booking for December 2016/January 2017.
Unfortunately the blog that was scheduled did not return their MAD feature so this week there is no feature. On that note I’m still booking a few spots for December and into January. Join the ranks of some of the best personal finance bloggers around. You don’t have to be an experienced blogger you just need to have a personal finance blog and a passion for money and frugal living.
Email me to book your spot today at email@example.com
Reader Budget Brags
I created this spot to showcase reader enthusiasm for saving money. Send me your Budget Brag and you will automatically be entered into a yearly draw for a surprise gift card. Open to Canada and USA residents. email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi Mr. CBB and Readers,
Green seedless grapes were on an amazing sale at Real Canadian Superstore. 3.265 kg for 4.24. At $0.59 cents a pound I had to grab a lot. These are super fresh and will keep. They happened to have overstock which prompted the rock bottom price.
Spotlight on Finance
I know when I used to think about the debt we owed it was frightening especially since I was just starting out in my career and my wife had just lost her job months after buying our first home together. Thankfully we bought our home on one income so we had to stop paying into our investments until our financial situation changed.
Holding on to debt like that in a situation that we did not expect whatsoever (who does?) was difficult for the both of us. Even though we had some savings in the bank not knowing how we were going to balance paying the bills, buy groceries and maintain our house was daunting.
Anytime you have debt in your name, especially when you struggle to pay it back it weighs you down. Even if you don’t think it holds you back, it does. That money you owe will always be in the back of your mind because you know you should be paying it back.
Debt becomes a heavy weight, one I don’t wish to carry again but I know that even though we are mortgage free and debt free that at any time something could happen and our lives could change. Never think you’ve hit one out of the ball park and you’re set for life unless of course you’ve got millions in your pocket and a financial mindset to go along with it. Something to ponder.
This week I stumbled upon a finance blog called “Fiscally Free” and their latest post titled, “Don’t Call Me Cheap” which caught my attention. Mrs. CBB and I have been called both cheap and frugal and we’ve gotten over what people think about the way we spend and save our money.
For some people like this blogger being called cheap is insulting and believes that cheapskates are lazy people. An interesting article. What are your thoughts about the terms “Cheap” and “Frugal” and would it bother you to be called either?
Frugal Recipe Pick
Food is a big part of any budget and a struggle for many which is why it has been important for me to create frugal recipes for my fans.
I have a second Facebook page called The Free Recipe Depot where I exclusively share recipes from Food Bloggers around the world.
Check out the Free Recipe Index on CBB compiled of frugal recipes that are 100% tested and accepted by family and friends!
This week I stopped by the blog Back For Seconds hosted by Stephanie and boy does she have a mouth-watering soft, thick chocolate chip cookie recipeB waiting for you.
I’m sure you’ll agree just looking at the photo that these chocolate chip cookies are going to be perfect. In my time I’ve made so many types of cookies that I don’t really have a favourite.
I love all kinds of cookies especially a cookie that holds up to the dunk test. One recipe that I make that I tend to go back to once or twice a year is my Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cowboy Quickies because they are soft, thick and full of chocolate. I’m a fan of the thick, soft cookies to dip in my coffee so I’ll be testing this recipe out in the CBB kitchen soon.
Cool Pinterest Find
I found a couple of really cool finds on Pinterest both over at the blog One Little Project. The first one being a DIY Halloween gift an Apple and Caramel Fall Treat which is perfect for colleagues at the office, staff members or friends and family.
This edible DIY project is so easy but so elegant at the same time and you know that once someone receives a beautiful Granny Smith Apple with caramel dip underneath all wrapped with a bow they will forever be in your hearts. Such a simple project that shows that you went the extra mile to say, I care. The best part is that these gifts are inexpensive and homemade which makes them even more touching.
While I was hanging out at with Debbie who runs the blog Our Little Project I noticed these Cheese and Pretzel Broomsticks made with pretzels, cheese strings and tied with green chives. How cool is that?
If you are having a work Halloween party or are attending one and have to bring snacks this will be a healthy hit and talk of the table. The best part again is how inexpensive and adorable they are… perfect for Halloween!
Google Search Giggles
Always begin and end your day with a SMILE!- Mr.CBB
Every week I get thousands of people visit Canadian Budget Binder because they did a search online and found my blog.
Most times funny, Sometimes serious.
- Does your property taxes go up if there are more kids living in the house?– Think about that for a second.
- How to get money on a Sunday when broke?– Ah, so now we are getting day specific, lol.
- My husband says I spend too much money– He’s probably right if you both have a budget
- Why do lottery winners go broke?– Because they blow all of their money.
- How to win mass cash, the formula 2016?– This one has to be the best of the week, haha!
That’s all the fun for this week, thanks for dropping by and we’ll see ya all again next Saturday!
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