Relationships

Money isn’t everything happiness is

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You Can’t Expect Money To Buy It All

Money isn’t everything happiness is and to some people having money in the bank means you must be rich or you have a good job. That is far from the truth but only those who can see past what others have then they too can focus on creating a life for themselves that makes sense to them. This week has been all about relationships and money and to be honest it’s a topic I enjoy because the struggles that many people go through when it comes to money and personal life need to be heard.

There are things money can buy and things it can’t such as love, respect, happiness and likely a whole host of things that many people take for granted because money is involved. Is it better to be rich and miserable or poor and miserable? I guess only you can answer that question. How many times have we heard of famous actors and musicians committing suicide and they have all the money in the world? Money sure is powerful but is it powerful enough to take away the passion for life that is deep inside your heart?

Money is necessary to live but it’s also a ticket to rob, steal and cheat from people just to make ends meet. Money isn’t going to help your social life, love life and win whatever it is you are wanting to prove to someone. Many of these people will never find the survival guide they are looking for as there really isn’t anything magical out there.

Negative thoughts

How many times have you said to yourself, I don’t make enough money, I need more money, I am not good enough for someone who makes more money. Many people tend to put a strong emphasis on money and can tell you how often they’ve went to the mall shopping to blow their pay on clothes and cologne just to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Often the results are putting people into debt and they struggle even further with a new dilemma. Money can be a roller coaster in our day-to-day living if we allow it. When open our mouths and push aside the positive vibes we should be creating with negative we invite that darkness to continue to loom over us. It’s imperative that we replace these thoughts by being mindful of what we say and think before we speak.

The other day in my how to lose a guy in one date post I was talking about my friend who struggles to find a woman to love him for the man he is and one who allows him to be the man he wants to be. We are best friends so I know him pretty good and when we spoke that particular day it was clear he felt money IS everything and IS the reason why some women were not good enough for him. His negativity is his downfall and he fails to see it at the best of times but he told me that she arouses his senses and he is a happier person these days for that because she is so unique and like no other. The hard part for him is to accept that someone believes in him because he needs to believe himself as well.

He’s in love

The dates have come and gone for him as he searches for true love through online dating sites but there is something brewing in his surroundings. I’m no love master but from the sounds of it a close relationship has flourished between them. His emotions run deep when it comes to women since women often leave him so he must get past his negative thoughts in order to fully grasp the situation. He’s clearly in love with this woman he’s known for many years as friends but holds himself back because he is fearful he can’t give her what she needs. He lets failure win before he even starts and he could miss out on something very beautiful in his life. The door is half-open for them both and someone has to make a decision.

He contemplates forever with her even though I can tell by the way he looks at her in the eyes and talks about her that forever is what he wants. He says she motivates him to be who he wants and inspires him to reach for his goals, something no other woman has done for him before. I often believe when you can feel passion that strong coming from another you know there is something special happening. It’s nice to see him smiling all the time, now I just need to assure him that walking through the door won’t be as bad as he thinks, although it’s easier said than done. Us, men are stubborn mules.

She earns more money

One large set-back for him is that she currently makes more money than him and she seems to have it all together. Sometimes what we believe is not always what it seems though. His attitude is most times gloomy when it comes to his appearance as he doesn’t want to grow old and lonely. I don’t know how many times he’s talked about his wrinkles, white hair and his demise because of lack of sleep from his job and responsibilities

As I mentioned before in order for him to love he needs to love himself first but he also has to realize that money isn’t everything and it shouldn’t define a relationship. He told me money has come up in numerous conversations and eventually it does get to you when you feel like you aren’t achieving more. To be honest not all woman want a man with money or some high-paying stressful career who comes home yet is too tired to do anything.

Having money doesn’t necessarily mean happiness as many people struggle between love and money and only see an end rather than a beginning to eternity together. Some of those who have lots of cash in the bank are bitter and dismal inside because the money isn’t giving them what they desire. The instant high is just that, instant then it goes away. Sooner or later the spending spree will end and reality sets in. I told him that if he just forgets about the money he will be able to love effortlessly.

One and the same

I think it’s just the way men think but when they feel that they don’t earn enough money or aren’t happy with their chosen path in life that they have to find a certain “person” that is their equal because no one else could possibly want them. So for example movie stars only date movie stars or those who are in senior level roles date the same and the poor can only date the poor or tall people with tall people and short people with short people. It’s such a sad stigma we create for ourselves and it’s of our own doing because we don’t believe in ourselves and our love.

You and I both know that when 2 people fall in love that love does not care how much money you have, where you are from because love sees past our insecurities. Love truly is a phenomenal drug that powers people up and takes them to places they’ve never been before. We do silly things when we are in love and that’s one sure-fire sign that we are on to something special. I can think of many silly things I did when I was falling in love, now that I think about it. For someone who yearns to be loved though they start to believe things are wrong with them when no one comes around, so they try to fix themselves.

He also revealed to me that he thought he wasn’t buff enough and craves attention from the ladies. You see, he wants to be noticed, and he wants the women to close in and huddle with each other about how sexy he is. I’m afraid the years of being 20 are gone and he’s trying to relive them forgetting that there is more to life than being a male stud for the women. You have to love yourself. He lacks self-confidence but what he fails to see is that even guys with muscles can lack confidence. Muscles may give you strength but they don’t give you passion, that comes from deep inside. Get healthy, get fit because you want to.

The title of this post is money isn’t everything because I feel that some people have a hard time forgetting about money and living life like they were meant to be, free as a bird. By spending money and going to the gym he wants to build muscle to feel more confident and to spin heads with the ladies. I’m not sure he will get what he really needs from that, at least not long-lasting. It reminds me of the instant gratification of a shopping spree.

What I don’t understand is how some people feel they are not “worthy” of loving someone who makes more money or has a fatter bank account or a great career. The same goes for those with money who fall in love with someone who has less. It shouldn’t be the deciding factor in love unless debt load is just far too much for someone to handle.

I’m not sure why the stigma and it’s mostly men because we are brought up to believe we are supposed to be the bread winners. Over the years women have broken through the glass ceiling and are taking over senior level positions by storm and you know what, we should just deal with it like men and move on. These ladies may be strong, powerful, confident and make good money but at the end of the day we are all human and we all have a heart.

Changing the way you think about money and how it affects your daily life the better off you will be. Money is simply a means to pay for your expenses to live although when you hear some people go on about only wanting to marry rich or date rich and successful people it’s hard to clear thoughts of inadequacy from your mind. I think that if my friend removes the “money” from the equation and drops the fear of opening up his heart and his mind the woman he was meant to be with, might jut be with him forever.

I believe in fate so if they are meant to be it will be and I also believe that building confidence, encouraging happiness and guided focus will enable someone to see the world clearly.

Building confidence

Forget about money and work on ‘you’ if that is what makes you feel better. Showing others that you can soar through the wind accepting the ups and downs gracefully you exude more confidence in yourself with or without money. Nothing in life is easy, we all must work hard for what we have even belief in ourselves.

When I was grocery shopping the other day, just outside the doors was a young man in his late 20’s early 30’s sat outside playing the guitar. He had his guitar case open and people were putting in coins and bills for him. Although he probably doesn’t make a fortune entertaining grocery store customers the mere fact that he took his hobby public to see if he could earn some form of income shows confidence and women love that. They love that more than they love someone who just looks good, same goes for men and women. Show the world you’ve got talent even if it is planting a garden or even taking photos and bringing them to life with your creative touch.

Happiness

Money does not and never will buy happiness so when I suggest that money isn’t everything and to forget about it the innocence in happiness will gleam. What I’m trying to say is even though you might be broke or have little money if you remember that you are just as worthy as everyone else you can be victorious.

Create your own happiness by allowing yourself to embrace the skills you have and give them your 110% effort. If you have a hobby you are so passionate about, explore it and take it to the next level. Take action now and don’t wait around for someone to give your behind a push because that day may never come. Think with an open-mind and smile because it’s free.

Focus

When we remove money from the equation we open our minds to focus on what we should be focusing on and that is our life.The art of smiling, walking hand in hand and making memories together on a sunny day or enjoy a windy breeze at the beach is the beauty of simplicity,

Running out and blowing money to look good or spending like mad at the mall isn’t going to solve your problems. Keep your eyes focused straight ahead on the target and don’t lose sight. Although you may be wanting to earn more money remember that your family and loved ones are just as important if not more than money because money is just paper.

I don’t think we necessarily need to forget about money because we need money for daily living but what I have learned is that we need to classify it in our lives. If you want to enjoy the world remind yourself that money isn’t everything, happiness is. Until we set ourselves free from money we aren’t able to shut off, unwind and just overall take time to think about how it affects our lives. Love the life you have and embrace your surroundings and love will shine through.

How have you let money influence your social life or relationships?
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21 Comments

  1. “As I mentioned before in order for him to love he needs to love himself first.” You said it right there. He is looking for someone to build him up and validate him and that’s never going to good for anyone who dates him. I mean let’s face it we all don’t walk around 100% of the time thinking “oh hey I’m awesome and love myself,” but damn it sounds like he has A LOT of work he needs to do on himself before he gets out there dating.

  2. Money has been the source of most of my relationship problems. I don’t mind if the other makes less but I want him to be responsible with his money. Better a $40K salary when you spend $35K than a $120K when you spend $150K. Money doesn’t buy happiness but when it is too scarce it can stress relationships that were otherwise good.

  3. I think so much comes from how one values themselves. If the amount someone earns determines their happiness – no amount of money will ever be enough.

  4. You already know my thoughts on this Mr. CBB. You need enough money to get by but using it as a yardstick, for yourself or for others, is not a healthy thing. So many people seem to define themselves based upon material things. It seems an awfully shallow gauge to me! It’s what’s in your heart that counts.

    1. I agree, he’s a great guy, he wants more from his career and his life including the woman he falls in love with. He will know when he finds her and is able to set everything aside to fully love.

  5. Another excellent article!! We all come into any relationship with some kind of baggage and we need to work past that. That past is always a part of who we are today and if we don’t like who we are or where we are at this point then we need to do what we need to in order to change. Realizing this might not come easy to some. The past can be very hard to let go, so we can move on. But move on we must. Or risk repeating the mistakes of our lives. Over and over. Thinking you are a failure is self fulfilling if you think it long enough. Money is a good thing to have but it is not the the most important thing in life. Mind you there will be people that doubt this. It’s their life , if money is the most important thing to them, they have my sympathies as they are missing much in life with that narrow minded view. I may not be saying this as well as could be but that’s the way it goes…..

  6. You’re a good friend, Mr. CBB. I do agree that the way we see ourselves is what we project to the world. It’s easy to focus on the parts of ourselves that we don’t like and forget about all of our many good attributes. Money can be a curse when you use it as a measuring stick to gauge your worth. There is always somebody who has more and eventually you figure out you can’t buy happiness either.

    1. That is exactly what I try to tell him as he is a brilliant person who is very skilled at a hobby he loves. I hope he has the strength to look past it and to bring more positive energy into his life.

  7. Sounds like you’re a good friend for him – a nice counterbalance. I like what you said about failure winning with your friend even before he’s tried something because of his fear. I think you hit the nail on the head.
    A lot of times, that constant need for external validations of someone’s worthiness (or unworthiness) is a big red flag. Am I buff enough? Read a fitness magazine and get validation that you’re not. Do I make enough money? Look at bank balance and feel depressed about your poorness. It sounds like your friend has his own set of truths and he’s on a desperate search for anything that validates that belief.
    I hope he finds a way back to himself, he’s chosen to walk a very difficult path. I’ll say it again: he’s lucky to have you.

    1. Well said Lindsey, I’m pretty sure he is smart enough to know and he will find his way. I’ll help him but he needs to help himself… so he can fully love the woman he wants to be with and love himself and his life.

  8. Mr CBB, did you mean not to put a link to this post on your FB page. I may be blind but I don’t see it?

  9. Mr CBB, our society has unfortunately devolved into an emotionally and verbally abusive realm. For many that have been victim to abuse either with the family of origin, an intimate relationship, even in the workplace or amongst their peers…they may actually no be capable of pulling themselves up by the bootstraps to just live as if they believe they are good enough… because in the depth of their soul, they don’t believe. 🙁

    For them, I say that if you don’t want to continue to get what you have always got… take action to change yourself, love yourself and dispel the negativity. Counseling may very well be the ticket to long term success. You have to first heal the hurts of the past, accept yourself as you are, learn to dream again and learn to love both who you are now & who you hope to become plus cherish the values you hold and what you stand for.

    It’s no easy task, but it can be done if you want it badly enough. I am living proof. And time takes time so don’t expect your recovery to occur overnight. After my disaster of a first marriage and more than enough negativity to float a ship… I took 8 years to become the person I wanted to be. Sure I dated in that 8 years but really, for the first 5 years, I was nowhere near ready to accept love nor capable of offering it.

    It sounds a little like your friend may need a small repair and re-work phase in his emotional journey. No panic… I new my hubby as a friend those entire 8 years and we developed the most amazing friendship and reliance on each other that stands at the core of our marriage before I was ready to have the romantic spark ignite. Ignite it did… when I was whole again and when I least expected it. Here we sit, sharing our lives, happy as two little peas in a pod almost 30 years later… 8 as friends and 19 as husband and wife. I too agree that if it is meant to be, it will be… but maybe one partner or both have work to do on themselves first.

    If this gal that your friend has met is all that he believes her to be, she’ll wait until he is ready to take a leap of faith. When hubby and I got engaged, I was deadly afraid that I might be repeating my first marriage. I tried on six different occasions to call the wedding off. He just let me rant, smiled and we carried on. He knew I was afraid, but banked on the fact that I truly loved him and would overcome my fear in the end. I got there, we got married and it’s been the best decision of my life. It wasn’t smooth sailing getting there…’cause I came with the baggage of my previous marriage. I had to learn how to put the darned bag down permanently!

    Good luck to your friend, I hope he wants this gal enough to be willing to heal himself first. 😀

    1. Nicely said Mary. I love what your story about trying to call the wedding off six times before actually getting there. I love that your then fiancee let you rant and then just continued on like before. It sounds like he got you. Finding someone that gets you like that and is happy to accept all those rights and wrongs is truly a wonderful thing.

      But like you said, if you can’t find a way to manage your stuff, it’s going to be really difficult for other people to do that. If it’s intolerable to you, it’s going to be intolerable to others. CBB’s friend definiately has to take those first steps.

    2. Wow, Mary you always know the right words to say. I believe he will do the right thing. I believe she makes him very happy and alive and that he wants to spend the rest of his time with her. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for him but I’m sure he’ll make it.

  10. No doubt that establishing the proper relationship with money is important. While there has to be a recognition, and appreciation, that money does provide access to more choices and comfort, it is not the end all and be all. Enjoyed the read.

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