When your financial situation is in high spirits and you want to share your happiness with friends and family someone else’s world may be in financial crisis.
One thing I learned early on before writing this finance blog is that money talk can be strange especially when you deal with different financial situations. If you’re debt free and the world is a blue sky and sunny days and you start talking about it to someone then you risk them telling you their financial situation is dark, hollow and lost.
You either have to take the good with the bad or the bad with the good and accept it, run with it or not even talk about it from the beginning. It’s that simple but for this one reader she made the mistake of talking about her financial situation with a friend who was in dire need of some money and now she doesn’t know how to respond to her.
Let’s read what she had to say…
MONEY TALK CAN SET THE STAGE FOR FUTURE FOOTINGS BASED ON WHAT INFORMATION YOU SHARE
Thanks for taking questions and I hope this one makes your list for discussion on the blog. Just recently I was offered a new job with a significant increase in salary. I was so excited that I had to tell everyone about my new position because that’s what people do when they finally get offered their dream job.
While out with a friend of mine she was talking about her financial situation which is in dire need of repair because of her high debt load. Currently she just had her internet, cable and home phone disconnected because she was unable to pay the almost $800 bill that was a few months behind.
I only found about her debt demise after I told her that I would be earning $80/hour at my new job and I finally have savings in the bank for a down-payment on a house. She was happy for me and said, “It must be nice to earn that kind of money”. She works in retail sales at the mall and earns minimum wage but her life path was far different from mine.
She jokingly said to me, “Oh maybe you can lend me the money to help pay my bill so I can get my services turned back on” and my face dropped but with a smile. At that moment every regret about talking to her about my financial situation hit me as well lots of guilt. Even though she is my friend I struggle with lending her money and I know if I lend it I might not see it back. I also don’t like to see her in such an unhappy mood and feel that friends help friends.
I’m not sure what to do in this situation but I did learn that I’ll never talk about how much money I earn or have saved up in the bank ever again because I risk these rotten feelings being brought in my circle of life.
How should I handle this situation?
Thanks for any tips.
C – Windsor, Ontario
Financial Situations can cause Situations
Hi there C,
Thanks for your email and I know you would like this tackled quickly I thought it would be timely to post it on our Net Worth Update post. It seems odd that I would share your situation on a post that is sharing our financial situation with the world but it’s because we understand what you are going through.
Although we are anonymous on the blog for obvious reasons, we don’t want the world to know who we are since we post our financial situation or family knows it. This has caused us much grief especially this year with my mother-in-law who is ill with dementia and money is the name of her game.
All we ever hear is that she needs more money as she’s run out and that we an afford it because we are, “rich”. She has never had savings in her bank account because she blows it all and lives money to money as she hasn’t worked in many years. My father-in-law held the bank accounts in his name for this reason which also cause a myriad of problems when he passed away.
Since she knows what I do for a living and that our mortgage is paid she considers us rich because we are young and only have 1 child. I know she is ill but it still hits the spot when she says mean things to us about giving her money although the money she gets comes from her savings account. She has no clue about her current financial situation which is why she thinks we are giving her money. It’s sad all around but at the same time we feel guilty and hurt by the things she says even if she doesn’t know what’s going on in her mind.
Before she was diagnosed we talked to her about our financial situation only because we were scared for them and wanted them to know we would be there if they needed us. Well, we’ve given over thousands of dollars now for renovations and honestly don’t expect it back. Perhaps it was a mistake but when it’s family it’s so hard especially parents.
Now it’s escalated because she hasn’t forgotten anything about the money talks we’ve had over the years and seems to think we are rolling in cash that we can dish out. Simply not the case as we are working on re-balancing our financial investments in particular our life insurance to a more permanent situation which is far more expensive.
Over the years I’ve had people emailing me asking for money since they see our financial situation online and even one lady tried to tell me how to spend my money. She felt I needed to donate more money. It’s none of her business but since I put it out there if that’s what she thinks, so be it. It’s not like I’m going to listen to her as it’s our money to do as we wish. Besides, what or who we donate money to is none of her business which is why we don’t talk about it on here.
If you are not comfortable with being told what to do with your money, asked for loans or suggested that it must be nice to have a cushy income then my advice is to never talk about how much money you earn. Even if you don’t give a rats a$$ what they say or you just won’t lend it out it often seems best to just keep it quiet and talk about other money matters.
Obviously having thick skin in our situation is applied but you can’t force your financial beliefs on someone else.
It is what it is.
People you may not want to discuss your financial situation with….
- Ex-Spouse or Ex-Partner
- Friends or Acquaintances
- Relatives or Family Members (including children)
- Strangers/Social Media
- People will always judge you based on what you tell them whether you like it or not
- If you have what someone else doesn’t you’re a target for the asking
- Someone will always be jealous of what you have because they don’t have it
- You can never do enough to please someone if their financial situation doesn’t improve
- Guilt can silently eat away at you even if you think it won’t affect you.
Whether you are in a good financial situation or you are struggling with debt consider the implications of what you talk about whether it’s for praise or support. Not everyone is comfortable in these scenarios which could ultimately put a wedge in relationships, cause court battles and plenty of emotion.
Money is powerful so learn how to use it wisely.
Discussion: How would you respond to this friend if she asked you for an $800 loan after you just told her that your new hourly income would be $80 and she earns minimum wage? Share your tips and experiences below in the comment section.
Our Net Worth July 2018
Where all the money went:
Good day everyone,
In July we spent quite a bit of money on renovations for the back garden and around the house. We will however see some of the money returned via our neighbours who are pitching in for the fence. Other than renovations I had to buy a new tool which ran me around $400 but it will last me a lifetime.
We also met up with our financial advisor this month to rebalance our investment portfolios to a new aggressive model. This will also reduce our investment management fees with a more reliable outcome. I’m not one of those finance guys who is willing to do all of my own investing so we pay an advisor.
There is nothing wrong with that especially when money is involved. It would be like a surgeon performing a surgery he’s never done before. It will either work or it won’t. The risk is up to you and right now, I’m not confident in managing my own portfolio although I do learn as much a I can from my successful blogger friends.
In order to reach or retirement goals we are continuing to maximize my RRSP each year as I remain in a higher tax bracket. I’ll also maximize my TFSA for 2018 as is Mrs. CBB which was just completed this week. Our financial situation has been doing very well or consistent with what was forecast for our portfolio over the past year.
Another thing we are doing is potentially moving from term-life insurance to a more permanent solution so I’d love to hear any feedback from all of you about this if you’ve been in the same situation. The costs are far higher but there are many options available from our advisor which seem to carry hope for the future.
On a good note a house that is similar to ours is selling for $650,000 which is a nice increase if we were to ever sell and move away from this expensive city we live in. Although cost is relative to purchasing in the area once again if we move to a small town that would be a nice chunk of change in the bank.
That’s all for now…
Chat to you all soon.
Understanding Net Worth
What Does Individual Net Worth Mean?
Net Worth is a snap shot of your financial health sort of like a picture or debt to net assets. In simple terms it’s a total of the value of your assets minus your liabilities.
We credit the growth of our net worth due to patience, perseverance, using a monthly budget and not giving up. Your numbers may go up and down but don’t let the numbers scare you rather understand why and move on.
If you would like to use our budget I offer a FREE downloadable budget which I created and that you can use at home just like we do. I don’t charge for it because I want you to save money not spend more!
There are tonnes of other free printable lists offered at Canadian Budget Binder to help you achieve some of those financial goals and build your net worth.
Determining net worth
Figuring out net worth is fairly easy as long as you know your personal numbers or monthly finances which means you need to do your homework. Net Worth is simply adding up all your assets (what you own) then taking away your liabilities (what you owe) which will give you a net worth number.
Understanding your net worth will help you determine if you are on track to meeting or beating your personal financial goals. It doesn’t get any easier than that.
Net Worth = Assets – Liabilities
Calculate net worth
Do you know how to calculate your own Net Worth? We like to calculate our net worth every month so we know if we are still on track. Some people calculate it yearly or quarterly but it’s up to you and how informed you want to stay when it comes to your financial health.
Net Worth is only an estimate and not everyone uses the same type of figures to tally it up. Some of you may not include vehicles like we do or leave out assets inside the home like we have. You might be that person that believes that your house should be excluded. It depends on what you want to calculate or what you can sell today and make money on for tomorrow.
Why not go ahead and calculate your own using our Free Money saving Tool Net worth Calculator (Canadian Budget Binder 2012)
Why you should set financial goals
Below is our progression chart towards our goal of a million dollars net worth which should happen according to our net worth calculations by Mid August 2017 (this year). Note: Since we went on holidays and spent money buying a new truck in 2017 this goal has now changed and will likely take us into 2018. I will have a more accurate update shortly.
Setting goals are the only way we work towards achieving what we want to get done as a couple around the house and in our financial life. I know that without them we would be flying by the seat of our pants which wouldn’t work for us.
Our financial numbers
When budgeting anything is possible, we are proof of that although we still have a long way to go in our journey. These are our numbers and our goals, not a means of comparison towards your own goals to others target goals.
We don’t care how much money others make or if they have a high net worth or if it is lower than ours as it’s not a competition. I hope our experiences perhaps will help guide you along your financial path working towards debt freedom.
Different financial paths
Not everyone has the same path in life. Some of you may have had to start over like I did or go to school a second time and now have OSAP loans to pay back.
Others may have divorced, lost money in the stock market or other investments, suffered job loss, fell ill or injured on the job etc. but you can’t let that stop you from achieving your financial goals.
Some of you may have been given trust funds, paid-for homes, paid educations or perks in life that give you a financial kick-start and that’s OK too. Remember what I said, “It’s not about how much money you make, it’s how you save it”.
No one cares about your money as much as you do so don’t waste your energy trying.
The only reason people accumulate wealth is because they know how to save or invest it wisely even if they did inherit money or win the lottery. The smallest improvements should mean big strides in working towards reaching your goals.
Sometimes we have to fail in order to learn and we’ve all been there. Money can be an evil force for some people especially those who have a negative attitude towards their own financial situation.
I urge you to be optimistic and little by little with determination you too should see improvements, if you want that to happen.
Net worth updates 2018
Click the links below to read 2017 net worth updates to see how we made out following our own budgeting and investing rules.
That’s all for this months net worth update but please check in at the beginning of September 2018 to see how we made out in August 2018 with our financial portfolio.
“It’s Not About How Much Money You Make It’s How You Save It“
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